Footsteps Through Life

Jackie Turns Six!

2012-01-04T09:14:00.009+03:00

So, I know it's way late, but here's Jackie's birthday! December 13 every year marks another special year in a special little girl's life! Every year that passes I'm amazed. Her fourth birthday was a miracle to see and each year after we celebrate that she's healthy and strong. Not a trace of cancer, no swollen lymph nodes, no problems. The only time I remember the HIV is when she takes medicine and we're so used to her taking it that even then it's just a passing thought! Her virus is undetectable and her CD4 count remains as high as a person without HIV! So, we celebrate her birthday and thank God for a child that brings so much joy to our family. Really, life would not be the same without her!

I don't know why but birthdays are a big deal to me. It's become a tradition that we let the kids choose what they want to do for their birthday. Jackie chose to eat at home and bake her own cake since her birthday fell on a Tuesday. For her outing she wanted to wait until the Saturday after and go to a restaurant nearby that has a trampoline for ice cream and to jump. Really easy to please!
With my giving directions, Jackie poured the cake mix, eggs, oil, and water into the saucepan and mixed away! Then she poured it into the pan for baking and put it in the oven which I had already had preheating...... She also felt like a big girl opening the oven door and checking to see if the cake was done.

After the cake cooled, her favorite part.... putting on the icing!

The finished product. Jackie was so proud that she'd baked her cake almost completely by herself!

Did I tell you how easy to please Jackie is? When I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, the only thing she wanted was sunglasses. Sunglasses! I wasn't real sure how I was going to get child sized sunglasses but ended up visiting a friend the day before and she had a pair! An added bonus is that each of my friend's children sent a birthday card home with me for Jackie!

The moment we were all waiting for....... singing Happy Birthday to the birthday girl and the cutting of the cake!

Paul

2011-12-24T13:50:00.002+03:00

Meet Paul!

Paul has been attending Vision of Destiny's school since the beginning of 2010. He was admitted after being on the waiting list for several months. Paul lives with both parents, two sisters, and a cousin in the slum.
So, if he has both parents, why is he a part of Vision of Destiny?
Paul was born with HIV. Both of his parents are HIV+. At the time, neither parent had a consistent job. With HIV and the medicines taken, proper feeding is very important. That was something Vision of Destiny could do for Paul.
Although Paul was older, he hadn't been attending school so he began school in the K4 class in order to catch up with English, recognizing letters and numbers, etc. On Dec. 3rd, Paul graduated from Kindergarten and will be beginning first grade in the upcoming school year.
Paul has been sponsored since shortly after his being admitted into Vision of Destiny. I'm super thankful for his sponsor giving him a chance to get education, get breakfast and lunch every day at school, and to hear about Jesus every day!

Mary and Judith

2011-12-23T12:37:00.003+03:00

This is Mary and her younger sister Judith!

Mary and Judith started school at Vision of Destiny in 2011 after spending almost a year on the waiting list. They were growing up in the village happily with their family- mother, father, brothers, and sisters. Then their dad sold off all their land and disappeared. Their mother was thrown off the land. The family (minus dad) ended up in the slums near the school.

For a living, their mom does odd jobs in order to pay for the single room they all live/sleep in as well as feeding her family. Sometimes she sells mangoes. Sometimes it's peanuts that's she's selling. Sometimes she braids hair. Sometimes there's not enough "jobs" and the family eats only once a day.

Mary is 7 and Judith is 6. Both girls are beginning K5 in Jan. and are waiting for sponsorship.

Update on Trevor

2011-12-22T22:50:00.001+03:00

Trevor has a sponsor!!!!!!!!

Trevor and Comfort

2011-12-22T11:29:00.005+03:00

This is Trevor and his younger brother Comfort.....

Their father came to put them on the waiting list at the beginning of 2010...... After waiting for a year, their turn came to be eligible to enter the sponsorship program and to begin school. In 2011 Trevor entered the K5 class and graduated Kindergarten a few weeks ago. During the 2012 school year, he will be among our first grade class. Comfort was in the K3 class for 2011 and will be in K4 during the 2012 school year.

So, why are these brothers even at Vision of Destiny? Their mother decided to separate from their father and left, leaving behind the boys. Their father does odd jobs to make whatever he can to survive. Often he works even overnight, meaning the boys often sleep at home alone, sometimes this goes on for weeks at a time. Neither one of them can cook so often that mean sleeping without supper and waiting until their father returns home to fix them something to eat. Sometimes they even have to wake up and get themselves ready for school......... another reason Vision of Destiny is so desperately trying to build a boarding school!

Trevor struggled a bit to catch up to his classmates this year. He was in music as his after school activity and enjoyed. In 2012, he has chosen to be in soccer and field hockey as his after school activities. He's a quiet boy and very well mannered.

Comfort did well in school. He's very talkative and participates actively in class. He's chosen to participate in music as his after school activity next year but also likes playing soccer when he can during breaks at school.

Both boys are still waiting for sponsorship.......

Kato

2011-12-21T12:50:00.004+03:00

Ok..... so I'm not so consistent in these 45 children in 45 days postings....... However, my heart is there to do it...... so let's see if I can become more consistent....
Meet Kato!!!!

Kato is what I would say one of the reasons Vision of Destiny exists and definitely a reason we continue pushing on.

I met Kato almost two years ago when I had taken Jackie for her hospital check up. Kato and his mom were also there at the hospital waiting to see the doctor.

As I was leaving the hospital, one of the counselors that I've built a relationship with called me aside. I had shared with her about the school and she often refers children that are eligible for our sponsorship program. She began to explain to me about a little boy that would definitely benefit from being a part of Vision of Destiny.

This little boy was Kato. Kato had lost his dad and twin brother to AIDS. Both he and his mom were infected. They lived in the slum just near the school. His mom wasn't very consistent in giving the medications.

There was space in the class that he was in so I asked the couselor to sit with me and his mom and explain everything. I told the mom that if Kato was to be admitted to the school, one requirement was that he had to be consistently taking his medication. The counselor supported this and told the mom she would be giving me an update in the event that there was any more inconsistencies in his medication. (The hospital has a way of knowing if the children have missed a dose.) Also, she made it clear to Kato's mom that this was really a chance for Kato- a chance many other mothers are crying for. She told Kato's mom to bring him to school and cooperate.

Kato started attending Vision of Destiny the following week and was in the K4 class. He soon caught up with the rest of the class in speaking English, recognizing letters and numbers, etc. He also has since been consistent in taking his medicine.

The school has also been an encouragement to his mom. She also makes sure to take her medicine correctly and has looked for ways of supporting other children in the family.

This year Kato graduated from Kindergarten! He's a good student, a great reader, loves playing soccer (and he's good at it), has a wonderful attitude, and is a lovable boy! We're very glad he's attending school at Vision of Destiny!

I'm also very grateful to his sponsor who has been sponsoring him since shortly after his beginning school. Without his attending school, Kato may not still be alive. Possibly his mom would have given up on giving him the medication? Possibly she would have given up on looking for ways to feed her family? There are so many possibilities of what could have happened.

Now there are so many possibilities for Kato's future! Will he become a doctor and treat other HIV infected children? Will he become a pilot and fly to lots of fun destinations across the world? Will he become a pastor and share God's Word with others in his community? The possibilities are endless...... and all because of sponsorship!

45 Children in 45 Days------ Siifa

2011-12-17T14:20:00.003+03:00

We have 45 days until the beginning of the 2012 school year! It sounds like a long time but I'm sure you know how quickly time rushes by. In these remaining 45 days, we'd like to see 45 of our waiting children sponsored.

Meet Siifa!

Siifa has been in Vision of Destiny's sponsorship program since is official beginning in 2009. Soon after entering the program, Siifa was sponsored by a group. However, a little over a year ago, the group split up due to various members moving, changes in jobs etc. So, Siifa was left without a sponsor.
Vision of Destiny is committed to the children in our program. Whenever a sponsor has to stop sponsorship, we continue with the child in the program until a new sponsor is found. We have been looking for a new sponsor for over a year for Siifa.
Siifa is a total orphan. Both parents died of AIDS. She now lives with an elderly grandmother in a small, falling down mud house in the middle of a slum. Siifa is in Primary 3 at a local school (one of the top performing schools in Kampala) and is around 12 years old.
Email nashsanyu@yahoo.com if you are interested in sponsoring Siifa or another child in Vision of Destiny's sponsorship program.

Graduation 2011

2011-12-07T10:59:00.013+03:00

On December 3, we held Vision of Destiny's first Kindergarten Graduation! This class included members of the original students (the ones that began the school in the sitting room of my apartment) in 2009. It was a really special day. They're so grown up now!
Each child received a diploma and was promoted to first grade next year. We also gave out certificates to students that had the highest average in each subject as well as awards to the students who were on the A/B honor roll for the year. And of course there was cake and sodas to end the celebration!
A lovely day! Can't wait for the 2012 graduation!

Miracle in her cap and gown.

Jackie in her cap and gown- she's grown up so much!

Vanessa leading her class in song.

Zalika, Joseph, and Desire tied for the highest average in Bible.

Here they are reciting some of their memory verses.

Zalika receiving a certificate for the highest average in Music. She also had the highest average in Handwriting!

Wind Mary receiving her certificate for the highest average in Social Studies. She also had the highest average in Reading!

Zalika, Joseph, Aurthur, Kevin, and Jackie

A/B Honor Roll Students

Atenisha with her diploma!

Faimah receiving her diploma!

2011 Graduating Class

Getting ready to cut the cake!

First Position Third Term 2011

2011-12-06T17:01:00.010+03:00

The third and final term for the 2011 school year has ended! We're really proud of all the students, but especially proud of the following students. They worked hard throughout the term to come out as number one in their class!

Wind Mary

Kevin

Judith (still needs a sponsor)

Rayan

Jonathan

Abdul

Mary (still needs a sponsor)

Gift (still needs a sponsor)

Speech Day 2011

2011-12-05T12:18:00.014+03:00

Every end of year, schools here in Uganda have a Speech Day. This is a time at the end of the year where classes get to present songs, dances, rhymes, etc. to their family and friends. I personally always enjoy Speech Day. I love seeing how much the children have grown over the year and all that they have learned!

Please enjoy the photos!

A Trip to the Zoo 2011 Part 2

2011-12-04T09:59:00.006+03:00

No trip to the zoo is complete without playing on the playground!

A Trip to the Zoo 2011

2011-12-04T09:34:00.009+03:00

This last term of the year the teachers and I decided that the children of Vision of Destiny needed incentive for good behavior.
We developed a stop light system where each child started out on green each Monday. The goal was to stay on green for the entire week. At the end of the week those children got to put a tick by their name on a separate name chart. At the end of the term, those children that had 8 out of 12.
We had 16 children that earned their way to the trip! We are really proud of them and hope they will keep it up next year!
You would think 8 out of 12 would be pretty simple to achieve. However, we have quite a number of behavior challenges at Vision of Destiny. I believe this is largely due to the environment from which the children come. However, I also believe that the school can play a part in creating a change in the behavior of the children attending the school.
Plus it gave us a change to reward the children who are consistent in exhibiting good behavior. So many times in most schools these children seem to get less attention than those that are always misbehaving. It was a great way for the teachers to get to spend some extra time praising these children!
Here are some photos of the children as they walked through the zoo. Sorry not many photos of the animals, but it's all about the kids anyway.

Football

2011-11-23T15:49:00.009+03:00

I think a sport that is loved by children all over the world is football (soccer)!!!!!

This year Vision of Destiny had an after school program where children can choose a club to participate in one day a week after school. Their choices this year were music/dance or football. It was pretty much divided equally in half as to what the children chose.

They have learned much in each of the activities. The children in football have learned football skills as well as sportsmanship, sharing, encouraging each other, and having a positive attitude.

The month of November was a month of rewards for these children. We were invited to two different schools to play matches against their students. And we were invited by one of the international schools for a day camp on their football pitch.

I think this was the most exciting thing for the students of Vision of Destiny. It was the first time they had played on a real football pitch and even though it had rained the day and night before they had a blast! Actually, playing in the water was an added bonus! That day they were able to interact with the high school students who helped run the camp, learn new drills and skills, as well as scrimmage on a real football pitch!

So, the school year is about to end and with it, the end of after school football for this year.

However, I'm sure the kids will be playing football with their friends and neighbors over the break and be back next year ready for some more fun!

Baby Jurnee

2011-11-22T11:44:00.004+03:00

Meet Baby Jurnee!

She made her way into the world at midnight, Friday, November 18.

After months of waiting, we were blessed with a short labor and delivery and got to finally see the blessing we've been waiting on! She weighed 3.5 kilos and was 46 cm long.

She is truly a blessing from God and we're extremely thankful for her life, enjoying every precious minute we get to spend with her, and are looking forward to what her future holds!

Thanks to the many that have been praying for us! You are appreciated.

First Position Second Term 2011

2011-09-18T20:19:00.010+03:00

Here are the top performers for second term!!!!!! We have quite a number of children competing for first place each term. So many, that most classes have two children tied for first position. From top to bottom: Wind Mary, Joseph, Kevin, Kato, Yosam, Jonathan, Peace, Abdul, Gift, Mary. (Gift and Mary are not yet sponsored.......)

Prossy

2011-06-29T09:03:00.002+03:00

Sponsorship is still moving slowly...... still a great need for sponsors and few people taking on the challenge.

This is Prossy. Prossy joined baby class (K3) at Vision of Destiny this year in January.

Prossy was born Oct. 10, 2005 in the northern part of Uganda. Prossy's mother had been abducted from home by the Lord's Resistance Army, a rebel group that led a 20 year war in northern Uganda. When abducted, Prossy's mom became a "wife" to one of her captors. She had several children by this man before being able to escape.

Thankfully, she was able to escape with all her children. This freedom was short lived and shortly after the rebels tracked her down, killing her and most of the adult members of her family. The children were left as complete orphans. An aunt found the children shortly after the murders, with the youngest child still sitting in the blood of her mother.

The aunt has relocated to Kampala with the children where they are slowly rebuilding their lives. At the moment we're only able to admit Prossy into the program but would like to admit one or two more of her siblings into the program next year. However, this will all depend on sponsorship.

If you'd like to sponsor Prossy or any other child at Vision of Destiny, please email me at nashsanyu@yahoo.com for more details.

Rainy Day Dress Up

2011-05-11T10:23:00.013+03:00

So, yesterday afternoon it poured down rain. That meant me and the kids were stuck inside. What to do to break the boredom?
Recently, someone sent some new shirts for Yosam and sort of recently someone bought both kiddos some new clothes. So, we decided the kids should dress up in their new clothes and we take some photos. That way we can email the pictures to those that gave us the new clothes as well as put them on here for all of you to see how much they've grown! Notice we've got lots of missing teeth!

Who's Number One In Class First Term 2011

2011-05-06T13:30:00.010+03:00

Our kids worked really hard this term. They compete with each other to be the top in the class, resulting in some really awesome grades from the majority of the class. Here's the results of First Term 2011. The following were each number one in his/her class:

Zalika- K5B

Miracle- K5A

Maria- K4B (tied with Eric)

Eric- K4B (tied with Maria)

Jonathan- K4A

Mary Nantaba- K3B

Bridgette- K3A

We're really proud of these kids. They've worked hard. They are all overcomers. Remember these children all come from a local slum. They live in homes that are single rooms. Some made of mud or cardboard. None with running water. Most of our children receive their only meals at school so sleep hungry at night. Please celebrate with us their accomplishment and continue praying with them as the years go by!

Learning Over the Break

2011-05-05T12:30:00.004+03:00

Pictures of Yosam (top) and Jackie enjoying compter games over their holiday break. I think their favorite thing to do each day is sit with me on the bed and play games at www.abcya.com.

Future Site of Vision of Destiny International School

2011-05-04T15:27:00.002+03:00

See the future site of Vision of Destiny International School!

Vision of Destiny purchased 7 acres of land about a 30-40 minute drive from the city center, depending on traffic. We wanted to stay nearby so that the children receiving ARVs wouldn't have difficulty in continuing to access the medical care they need.

Yeah, I know, it just looks like bush! And right now it is......... However, keep following us over the next few years as it turns from bush to one of a handful of international schools in Uganda.

Thanks to all of you who have been supporting us so far along our journey. You are greatly appreciated and we couldn't have made it this far without you!

Sponsorship, Sponsorship

2011-05-03T11:19:00.003+03:00

We've got some good news and some bad news.....

Good news: Janet now has a sponsor! This means one less child waiting!

Bad news: Wind Mary and numerous others are still waiting.

This year has been really slow on child sponsorship. Since the year's beginning, only 3 new sponsors. It can be discouraging at times. However, we know that these children belong to God and He can make a way where we see there to be no way.

Please join us in prayer and in spreading the word in the need for more child sponsorships.

Janet

2011-04-06T12:50:00.013+03:00

So, I didn't meet my goal of putting a post each week of a child waiting for a sponsor......... I really need to do better. Thanks to all of you who read and shared about Wind Mary. However, she is still waiting for a sponsor.

Today, I'd like for you to meet Janet. Janet has been a student at Vision of Destiny since May of last year. That means for almost a year she has been waiting for a sponsor.

You might be asking how does she get to attend school if she's not already sponsored? The answer: God has been gracious to us in providing the funds to keep many children not yet sponsored in school. But, these children don't enjoy the privilege of knowing there is someone out there in the world that loves and cares for them. When it is time to send letters to sponsors, they have no one to send a letter to.

Janet is one of these children. For almost a year, she's been watching as her classmates and friends prepare their letters for their sponsors. She's been watching as they receive letters and pictures back from their sponsors.

Janet is a single orphan. Her father died, leaving her with her mother. Her mom works in a local market selling veggies to support the family. This income brings in enough to put food on the table and shelter over their heads, but not enough to pay school fees for Janet and all her siblings.

Janet's mother is hard working. She works so hard that one afternoon, she kept working into the evening, not realizing that no one had yet picked Janet from school. At 10:00 in the evening she called to ask if Janet was still at school. Yes, she's still at school. But, by that time, it was too late for her mom to come from where she was to pick her up. So, Janet had to spend the night at school and was picked up in the morning. Yet, another reason that we desperately need a boarding school. But, that's a post for another day.

As you read this, maybe you can pray about sponsoring Janet or one of the other waiting children? Or you can pass this along to a friend that might consider sponsoring? Sponsoring is simple. It's only $35 a month. That's a small commitment for most of us out there in the world. Many of us spend more than that each month on frivolous things. If you would like more information on sponsoring Janet or anther child at Vision of Destiny please visit our website at http://www.vodafrica.org/ or email me at nashsanyu@yahoo.com.

Wind Mary

2011-03-18T11:49:00.003+03:00

This is Wind Mary. She is a student at Vision of Destiny and she is still waiting for sponsorship.
Wind Mary is from Southern Sudan. Her family fled the war there. Upon reaching Northern Uganda, her father was killed by rebels.
She lives with her mom, two siblings, and an uncle in a single room. She's an outgoing and friendly girl, helpful to her family, and a bright student.
Why don't you bless her life as well as yours by sponsoring her.

To sign up for sponsorship, email me at nashsanyu@yahoo.com or go to www.vodafrica.org for more details.

New Look

2011-01-25T12:28:00.010+03:00

Our new sign letting you know you have reached Vision of Destiny!

This year's teachers: Santa, Betty, Sylvia, Zaitun, Jane, and Lydia.

The outside wall of the school. Along the wall that you can't see well in this photo is the alphabet.

The inside wall!

More of the inside wall.

One of the inside walls. You can see the concrete slab which has been made. We're soon putting a tent up so that children will have shade as well as a dining area to eat from.

Our new kitchen! It's almost twice the size of the old one......

Our new stove. It's made of brick and will help us to save on the use of firewood.

We're excited about this new school year! Please pray with us as we begin on Jan. 31 with 108 children!

The Enemy Might Put Up a Fight But God Will Surely Win

2010-12-28T14:39:00.003+03:00

So, again it's been a while since I've blogged. It's mostly likely due to a crazy past few weeks. And not just because of the Christmas holidays.
You know any time God is doing something magnificent, the enemy surely has to try to block it.
Vision of Destiny is God's project. It's His. It belongs to Him. He's the one that put the desire in my heart. He's the one that makes it happen. He is the one who provides. How He chooses to do each of these things is totally up to Him. It's only up to me to allow myself to be used by Him. The same with other people. And loads of people have come alongside of me to help me on this journey. Each in his/her own way, using his/her own gift has been a blessing to me. For each one of these people I will be forever grateful.

The last few weeks, I've been telling myself something big is about to happen. You see, the enemy was just fighting too hard. It felt like he was fighting me and those around me (and still does at moments). But, he's not really fighting me, he's fighting God. The enemy knows that for each child taken out of despair and given God's truth, that's one less person on his side.

I don't want to go into much of the details as I don't want to give the enemy any glory when he is due none. I'll just share that I was really hurt by some of the actions of people around me, most particularly a parent that has been extended help over and over again.
However, despite the struggle, it has helped us to move into the next phase. Our attorney is preparing to hand in all our paperwork for registering an NGO and we have begun the process of licensing the school. The NGO will take several weeks and the licensing could take several months. But, the good news, the process has begun!

Now, why should the enemy be fighting against VOD? We are growing- and growing tremendously. The nursery school next year will have almost double the number of students. There will be an intern working with us for about three months. A family is flying in a week after the intern and will be with us for at least a year (hopefully a lot longer). Computers have been donated for the nursery school. All the money for back to school next term has been raised (school fees for children not yet sponsored, school supplies and uniforms for children not yet sponsored, etc. ).
And........ a very large donation towards land (which has its own amazing story of how it was provided to the person who gave it!) meaning land will be purchased in the next few weeks! Of course the enemy has to fight.... the school is going to grow again. And with the prospect of a boarding school, how much more of a chance to change the lives of children!

So, while the enemy is trying to put up a fight, he will be defeated. God is in control and I know He loves and cares for each one of the children involved with Vision of Destiny.
Again, a very big thanks to each person that has supported me and/or the school, those of you that have been faithful in praying for us, and a big hug to all those that have visited us this year. All of us here thank you for all the encouragement that you bring to us.

A Jackie Classic

2010-11-30T20:33:00.002+03:00

I could tell endless stories of the things she says. They probably wouldn't be as funny as if you are talking to her face to face to see her facial expressions, hand gestures, and body languages. I've never met anyone else like her and possibly will never again meet anyone else quite like her.
At school the children are only allowed to speak in English, no Luganda is allowed.
Anyway, yesterday I was working on my computer and she was perched in her usual place next to me. I've got a bit of a stuffy nose and was sniffling. Here in Uganda if you have a cold, it's called flu. Jackie proceeded to inform me that she knew the English word for flu. I'm not quite sure when flu stopped being an English word......
So, out of curiosity I asked her what was the English word for flu. Her answer: mucous.
Priceless.

2010-10-27T16:20:00.002+03:00

This week the K3 class is studying spiders and insects. So, for their art project this afternoon, the kids made spider hats. The body was the headband wrapped around their heads. And the legs were supposed to come down like the 8 legs of a spider. But, you know how little kids do their things. Very creatively. So, their spider legs were stiff, possibly with young age arthritis.......

But, it was all fun. When we asked the kids what they had been studying, it wasn't just spiders, but spiderman. So guess we had a lot of spidermen/women running around today. But, aren't they cute!

2010-09-29T10:59:00.003+03:00

We're always looking for ways to keep the kids motivated. Most of them come from homes where there is a lot of confusion, making it difficult to stay motivated in school. All of them come from homes where education has not been easily accessible. Therefore, a lot of the parents are illiterate or haven't gone very far in school.

Vision of Destiny really desires for these kids to succeed. We've been rewarding those children that perform well.

This past term we rewarded quite a large number of children. For the older children in high school, anyone that was in position 20 in their class or better was given some pocket money to be used at school. It wasn't much, but for children who normally get nothing, it was a motivator.

For the kids in primary school, we gave out new toothbrushes, toothpaste, and fun colored pencils. You may be asking yourself how are toothbrushes and toothpaste motivating????? Remember, these kids come from extreme poverty. These items are a luxury. For the child that was first in his class, we bought a watch.

For the kids at the nursery school, those that were number 1 in their class were given new school bags. All children that scored 80% or better on the final exams were given fun colored pencils.

The kids were excited to get their rewards and those that were very close to being in the category that received the rewards assured me that next term they would be given.

Brothers By Circumstance

2010-09-20T09:52:00.002+03:00

This is Shafik......... And this is Joseph........

Two boys that have been made brothers by circumstance.

In January, Vision of Destiny was registering children on the waiting list and admitting children that have never been to school into the newest Baby (K3) Class. A man came to register his two boys, Shafik and Joseph.

I've heard all kids of stories, both truths and lies. This man came in and his story was that the whole family was HIV+ and these boys were twins that had never been to school. Now, I'm not a complete idiot, so picked up immediately that he was lying. He was truthful on part of his story. The lady that he had brought with him and he himself really are HIV+. They were able to present proof of this.

However it was very clear these boys were not twins. First, they are not the same size. It's clear that one is several months younger than the other. Second, one has a Christian name, the other a Muslim name. Thirdly, in Uganda twins are given specific surnames. In this case, the boys didn't have these names.

They showed us where they were living and it was apparent that the boys really did need help. They were admitted into the school and as we got to know the family and gather more information, the story became more and more clear (although it is really a muddy story).

We found out that the boys were indeed really not twins. They weren't even real brothers. The father had two wives. One the mother of Shafik. The other is the mother of Joseph. All members of the family live in a single room house. This means that the two cowives live under the same roof, in the same room!

Shafik is actually the stepson to the man, but the mom is currently pregnant with her second child, the child to this man. The cowives absolutely HATE each other and no amount of counseling seems to help them in their situation. They torment not only each other but the child of the cowife, meaning that each child is mistreated by his stepmom.

Money is scarce and the meager earnings of the father have to be stretched to cater for his ever growing family, as Joseph's mom has another little girl younger than Joseph and Shafik's mom is currently pregnant. So, although these boys are smiling in the picture and can frequently be seeing playing happily at school, their lives at home are really miserable.

Imagine living in extreme poverty: a single room (that is every room in the house from kitchen to bedroom) shared with multiple family members, possibly one meal a day, no electricity, no running water, toilets which are far from the house, etc. and to top that off living with a stepmom that wishes you dead.

They have hope in that they are part of the sponsorship program. Possibly their adult lives will be different. Maybe they will grow up to be responsible, educated young men, able to get jobs that pay enough to support a family. Maybe what they are learning in the daily Bible lessons will help them to choose to have only one wife and to be commited to a strong family life.

That is the hope that Vision of Destiny has, that each child in the program will grow up to have a different life, a life that is impacted by the love of Christ, with the knowledge to choose something different from their current living situations.

It's alll possible through sponsorship. Joseph is sponsored. Shafik, although in the proram, is still waiting for a sponsor.........

A Brighter Future

2010-09-13T12:40:00.010+03:00

Meet Juliet!

And Innocent!

And Ronnie!

These three belong to a family that is involved in the Vision of Destiny sponosrship program. Ronnie attends school at the school which I run and Juliet and Innocent attend a school nearby.

Vision of Destiny continuousely has a long waiting list. Their mom added them to the waiting list early this year. When doing interviews to admit the incoming K3 class for 2010, Ronnie was identified to be eligible.

Late last year, their father learned that he was HIV+. Instead of going to a nearby clinic for counseling and treatment, he decided to take his own life and hung himself. He left these three children as well as a wife and baby under a year old. The wife is not well educated and is unemployed. Survival became a challenge for the family. They were often left outside to sleep when landlords would chase them from their home for lack of rent payment. Meals were scarce and far between. Juliet was sent to live with an aunt in hopes of the burden on their mom being lightened a little. None of the children were attending school.

During first term there was space for Ronnie at my school although he wasn't sponsored. The older two, at that time, there was little that I could do.

In March, a visitor came to help around the school for about a month. She was taken by their story and went back and got a sponsor for Ronnie. She also found a sponsor for Innocent and Juliet, making it possible for them to return to school during the second term this year.

We have been encouraging their mom to have herself and all the children tested for HIV. Please pray that she will find the courage to do this and if any are found positive that she will be willing to use the lifesaving medications which are available for free here in Uganda.

You see, in Uganda, school is a privilege and not a right. Many children are left out of school for lack of money. Even though the government has set up a free school system, there are hidden fees which mean that it does little to help families put their children back in school. Although these schools don't charge tuition, there are development fees, lunch fees, uniforms to be bought, school supplies and shoes that are needed. So, many families still can't send their children to school. And for those lucky enough to be able to send their child to school, these schools are often overcrowded (having 100+ children in a classroom with only 1 teacher), lack infrastructure (children study under trees), have teachers that don't come to school every day (meaning children have to go back home), or have school only two hours each day (meaning children leave primary school without being able to even write their name or read a simple sentence).
So, Vision of Destiny steps in to help these families. All children are sent to Christian schools that have a tradition of high performance.

Children like Sozzi Peter are now attending school. His father died in a motorcycle accident a couple of months before he was born, leaving his mom with little ways of supporting or educating their child. Currently, Sozzi Peter and his mom live in a local church. I use the word church very loosely. It's known more for its cultlike practices such as proclaiming the water taken from a well inside the main branch of the church is the blood of Jesus. Members are taught that when they drink this water or bathe with it, they are blessed with special blessings. There are many other such teachings in the church. Although this child is not yet sponsored, he has been attending my school since the beginning of this year where he is being taught the Bible and given two meals each day. Pray with me that the truth that he is being taught at school will one day be a light to he and his mom and they'll be able to break free from a church with false teachings.

Brandon is another child not yet sponsored but still blessed to be attending my school. I met Brandon through his elder sisters. Their father had died when Brandon was a baby of AIDS. Their mom is an alcoholic and the family lives in a bar. The mom drinks away what little money she manages to earn. The eldest sister was left in charge of finding ways to get food. Often I would find her along the streets, very dirty, begging for food. I got to know her a bit and her mom let me take her and the other sister back to school. I put them in a boarding school since they are girls. I figured it was safer than leaving them to roam the streets at all hours of the night. At that time, Brandon was still to young to start school so their mom had to find ways to fend for herself and Brandon. Then this year Brandon was able to begin K3 at my school.

It's been a challenge for him. Since his sisters are not there to look after him, he's often left with neighbors and even one time was left alone (which led to his spending the night at the police station). Please pray that their mom will come to know Christ and learn how to be there for her children.

So many times I look at the need around me and know that I can only do a drop in the ocean. But, at least for the few children that are in the sponsorship program, the future looks a bit brighter (despite the challenges at home).

Another Jackie Story

2010-09-03T07:59:00.003+03:00

So, this morning I'm sitting here on my computer with Jackie sitting in the chair next to me. Remember, she's my constant shadow. I wanted to get some work done so asked her if she'd like to look at a book. She chose to look at our Bible for kids. She was looking at the pictures pointing out to me Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, etc. (So much for getting a lot of work done!)
As she's continuing to look she tells me, "God died for our sins, all of them. When we die, we are going to live in his home, heaven, with Him."
She continues to blow my mind. She's only four but seems to have a deeper understanding of the things of God than most children and certainly a large number of adults.
Then she told me that when she gets to heaven she'll get to see Mercy, one of her classmates that died in May.

Echoes From Yesterday

2010-08-31T15:03:00.002+03:00

Do you have words or actions that echo in your mind years and years later? I do.
I think we forget how harmful our words are, especially the things we say to children. I frequently have battles in my mind with words that echo from the past, words that tell me I'm stupid, words that tell me I'm worthless, that I'm not good enough, words that remind me of all my failures.
I frequently wonder what I would have been or how my personality would have been if growing up in different circumstances. Would I have been an artist or a doctor? A pilot? If I hadn't been told what I couldn't do, would I have done it? If I had been encouraged academically would I have gone to a different university. Probably so.
But, I wouldn't be where I am or doing what I'm doing, something I'm so grateful for. I wouldn't be surrounded by the amazing people that touch my life every day. I wouldn't be watching so many children finding their way in this crazy world.
These battles come from time to time. Sometimes I give into them and find myself getting down, feeling bad. But, more and more I'm learning to wash my mind with the Word of God, reminding myself of who I am in Him, how He sees me.
I pray that as I work with the children that I work with that my words will encourage and build up, never discourage or tear down. I pray that they look back and even with all the obstacles they face in life will hear my voice (as well as God's) cheering them on, letting them know they can do and be whatever they want to be.

Yet Another One

2010-08-29T08:11:00.002+03:00

This is Okello. After he saw my excitement on some of the other students' school reports, he made sure to point out his position to me. He was number 8 in a class of 40 students (same class as Douglas).
I'm really proud of Okello. I met him and his two older brothers a year ago when I moved into my former apartment. There was a house being built just behind it and that's where these guys were sleeping. They weren't true street kids but in a way they were. Their dad has 8 wives and something like 30 children. He sends none of the kids to school. The boys basically do what they can for survival. So, they were sleeping in an unfinished house and would move around the village during the days looking for food or scrap metal to sell for food. The three of them returned to school at the beginning of this year. They've been working hard, especially Okello!

Another One

2010-08-27T10:46:00.002+03:00

So, I was looking through the reports from the kids in primary school and realized that I had another student that performed exceptionally well. Douglas was first in his class of 40 students! I'm excited for this little guy. He's around 8 years old and lost his mom about a year ago. He was living in a two room house with his dad, six siblings, and several orphaned cousins. He had never attended school before so began this school year without even knowing how to write his name.
I'm so proud of him!

Oprah and Pauline

2010-08-26T12:35:00.003+03:00

You guys may remember reading the letters from Oprah and Pauline a few months ago requesting sponsorship. God provided and both girls were able to be sponsored. Both are attending a Christian boarding school. They have loved it!

Oprah (top photo) is in Secondary 1 and Pauline is in Secondary 2. Both have blown me away with their performance and behavior, proving over and over how badly they wanted to be in school.

Both girls are highly motivated, have clearly set goals for themselves, and teachers have only good words to say about them. I've been told that both discipline themselves to wake up early in the morning to study and make sure they spend an amble amount of time revising their work in the evenings. It has paid off for them.

Second term reports have just come out. Oprah was number 9 in a class of 170+ and Pauline was number 10 out of a class of 170+.

I am really proud of both girls and so appreciative to their sponsors for giving them a chance.

Praise Report

2010-08-19T10:52:00.002+03:00

I'm sure you guys get tired of hearing Jackie stories all the time....... but her story is so incredible. Out of death's grip to the child she is now. Every time I look at her I see a miracle. All in only one year. We had her appointment at the hospital on Monday to get her meds refilled and her blood results back from the previous appointment.
One year ago from Monday, Jackie's CD4 was 2 (yes, ONLY 2). A year ago from Monday, Jackie was diagnosed with cancer. Fast forward a year later (although at times it didn't seem to be going by so fast), Jackie is cancer free, has a CD4 count of 1005, and an undetectable viral load!!!!!!!
Only God can do that.
Many people here that have watched her story unfold tell me that I saved Jackie's life. But, God saved Jackie's life. He has a plan for her. And I tell people over and over again that Jackie being in my life has blessed me more than I think it has blessed her. My life is forever changed. I've learned so much from her. My mission changed after her coming into my life. I never had dreamed of being so involved in the fight against HIV/AIDS. Now one third of my kids are infected. Over half have a parent that has died or is infected. Jackie has opened the door for so many others into Vision of Destiny.
In her four short years on this earth, she has made more of an impact than the majority of us will in a lifetime. I thank God every day for giving her to me and trusting me to care for her life.

They Really Do Get It

2010-08-09T11:20:00.002+03:00

Every day at school and every Sunday at church, the kids get to hear about Jesus. I've never really been sure how much they really understand. I still don't think they get it to the level that adults get it (or at least some adults) but they do get it. In their own simplified way, they do understand truth.

Jackie comes home after school and "teaches" me her Bible lesson for the day. Yesterday, she went even further and was talking to the house helper we have at home. A little side note: I finally had to break down and get someone to help me at home. It was proving to be way too much to fight sickness, take care of 3 children, run a school, and actually keep my house clean. So, I hired someone to be helping me at home with cleaning up, doing some of the cooking, and helping me from time to time with the kids. And, it's been a God send.

Anyway, back to the point of this post. The house helper is Muslim. She prays regularly so I'm not sure that Jackie really sees any difference in the two religions. I was sitting in the office on the computer. Jackie and Yosam were outside playing when I heard Jackie begin to tell our helper all kinds of things.

"Do you know Satan is weak?"

"Do you know God is strong?"

"Do you know Jesus walked on water?"

"Do you know that when we pray God hears us?"

"Do you know that when we have a problem or are sick, we can tell God and He can help us?"

I was so filled with joy hearing all these things. In her own kiddish way, Jackie is getting it! She loves God with all her heart.

Eric

2010-07-26T11:59:00.004+03:00

This is Eric. He's around 4 years old and in the Baby Class at my school. I'm so thankful that he is in school and more than that, he's sponsored.
You see he lost his dad last night to AIDS. He may grow up never knowing the answer as to why his dad had to die, why he had to grow up without him. But, he has comfort. He hears comfort every day in the Bible lesson at school. He gets comfort every morning and midday when he receives breakfast and lunch. He gets comfort in knowing that he does have a sponsor willing to stand in the gap and make sure that he receives an education, a sponsor willing to extend a father's love.

Answers May Not Be There But Comfort Always Is

2010-07-26T11:49:00.003+03:00

The last few weeks have been really hard. I wonder if it is ok for a missionary to admit that. I've really struggled. Disappointment, hurt, feeling down etc. I guess that is all normal. In my last post I wrote, that through it all God is still God. And He is STILL God.
Yesterday, during the sermon at church, the pastor made a statement that struck me and stuck with me. It's kept playing over and over in my head. He said, "We may not always get the answer, but there is always comfort." We can go to God. We can cry out to Him. We can ask questions. We can search the Bible. He hears. He listens. He may not give us the answer. Or He may answer but not the answer we want to hear. But, even without an answer, He still gives comfort.
In the situation I've faced over the last few weeks, there have been many questions. I will never have an answer to them. But, in it, I've been able to pour out my tears to God. He has given me comfort. He won't leave me or forsake me. He's put people in my life that have stood with me and in their own way brought tremendous amounts of comfort.

God Is Still God

2010-07-19T12:51:00.002+03:00

Disappointments come in life. I've recently been faced with probably one of the biggest disappointments in my life.
About three weeks ago, I received some devastating news. Totally disappointing news. I was told to wait three weeks for another test and a definite answer. Great! Three weeks of waiting. Three weeks of going back and forth from resignation to the fact things weren't going to go as hoped to accepting it. Loss of hope is shattering so I kept clinging to whatever little hope I could find.
Finally, the three weeks ended and the news hadn't changed. The results were the same. At this point, I cried. Cried because now there seemed to be no more hope. Dreams were lost. I began to question God. Why? How could You let this happen? Weren't You there? Why didn't You fix it?
But, in all, God is still God. He allowed it to happen because He knows what He has planned for me. He was there all the time. He will always be at my side. The why I may never know. I just have to trust that my life is in His hands. His timing is best. He knows what is best for me. He loves me. I am His child.
HE IS STILL GOD AND HE IS STILL IN CONTROL.

Vicky

2010-07-15T12:45:00.002+03:00

This is Vicky! Vicky is a really funny character. She's one of the younger kids in the school. She only recently turned 3. Needless to say, she wasn't quite ready to be stuck in a classroom all morning. So, she would walk all over the compound visiting the rest of the staff (cook and guard).
She's gotten better about staying in class and actually is really smart. She's also really funny. She understands everything said in English but will only answer back in Luganda. She also regularly "drops" her shoes into the pit latrine where they can never be recovered from, meaning her mom is constantly looking for ways to cheaply replace her shoes.
Vicky is the youngest of three girls. The other two are equally as smart and funny. None of them are in the least bit shy. Both of Vicky's parents as well as one of her older sisters are HIV+. Thankfully, her mom found out while pregnant with Vicky and prevented transmitting the virus to her.

Just Another Post

2010-07-05T09:35:00.002+03:00

I had a goal of blogging at least 10 times per month this year. Needless to say, I've failed miserably. Most of the time I feel like there's just not much to say. My life is pretty boring or at the least, mundane. It's pretty much take care of kids, play with kids, work on school stuff, work on sponsorship stuff. Nothing really interesting or philosophical to report. I read some friends' blogs and am amazed at the stuff they are able to write. Not that it's always what is going on in their lives. But, some extraordinary thought.
Anyway, this is just another post with not a lot to say.
I did get to entertain at my new house for the first time last night. We invited our old neighbors over for dinner. They are a couple (with no children yet) from Tanzania. They love my kiddos and always bless me with some supplies each month- toilet paper, bread, sugar. You know, the necessities. Plus, the wife volunteers just about every day at the school. And every once in a while they will decide to buy the food necessities for the school for an entire month!
So, they came over for dinner and I baked in my brand new oven for the first time. Guess it was a night of firsts. I had no idea how the chicken was going to turn out since I've never actually cooked in an oven where you can't control the temperature. I threw some veggies in a pan, seasoned them, added the seasoned chicken, put in a little water and dumped some barbecue sauce on the chicken and let it bake. People devoured it. Jackie was even scraping her plate for any last drop she could find!
And we had an enjoyable evening just chatting away. The husband never has a shortage of what to say....... so we had quite a few laughs.
So, that was the enjoyable evening in my otherwise uneventful life.

Kaushara

2010-07-01T10:55:00.002+03:00

This is Kaushara, one of the friendliest kids int he school. She's always grinning with a smile from ear to ear.
That wasn't always the case. Kaushara started school a bit scared. She's a total orphan and had just lost her second parent to AIDS. She's also HIV+. Now, you would never know that she is an orphan. Her aunt, who is also HIV+, takes very good care for her.
She is in Baby Class at Vision of Destiny International School and enjoys every minute of it.
Thanks to her sponsors for making it possible for her to be there.

Ivan A.

2010-06-24T12:42:00.003+03:00

This is Ivan A. He is in Baby Class at Vision of Destiny International School, the school I started last year. He's one of the fortunate children that is attending.

Ivan is 4 years old so should actually be a class ahead of where he is but due to lack of school fees he never attended school last year.

He has two older brothers and a younger sister. Each has a different father and no father is any where to be seen. I don't think Ivan has ever even met his dad. He lives in a one room house with his mom and siblings. His mom is a drunkard, consistently lies, and isn't very cooperative with the rules at school.

However, Ivan is very cooperative, a bright learner, and full of life.

The first time I met Ivan, he was filthy, skinny, barely talked, and wouldn't smile. Just after one month in school, all that had changed. Ivan comes to school clean. This is a requirement which his mom took some time to be able to comply with. After us taking Ivan home from school, not allowing him to stay for the day for about a week, she finally decided to bring him when he was bathed. Since getting two meals a day from school, plus the one he gets at home, he's put on some weight. He smiles and can be seen playing with other children while running and shouting.

Ivan is one example of how sponsorship works, how it changes a life. It might be a small change, but it's a change. He now has a chance to go to school and maybe do something in the future that he otherwise would never have been able to do.

Please pray for Ivan: that he will know the Lord, love the Lord, study hard in school and become the man that God wants him to be.

Pray for Ivan's mom: that she will come to know and love the Lord, that she will stop drinking, that she will love and care for her children the way God intends for her to

Pray for Ivan's sponsor: that the sponsor (a family) will know they are loved and appreciated, that they will know how much impact they have made on a life, and that everything they have given will be returned to them.

Moved In

2010-06-23T10:24:00.002+03:00

So, moving is always a chore. And it has proven to be even more so this time. I've never moved with kids before....... in the middle of sickness (both me and the kids)........ while working a full time job that seems at times to be more like 3 full time jobs (although very rewarding so no complaints).
But, finally, we are moved. Out of our two bedroom apartment into our three bedroom house! The kids are loving it. I am too. No one from the slum knocking on our door all hours of the night begging for rent or school fees. Privacy! Peace! When even my silent child, Mary, started complaining of the knocks on the doors, I knew something had to be done. One solution.... move!
One advantage to the new house is having two bathrooms. I have my own in the master bedroom! I'm loving not sharing a toilet with little kids! It actually stays clean!
And the kids love their shower. It hangs over them so they tell me they like bathing in the rain! They also have a yard to play in, although it's mostly concrete, not much grass. But, still, they have a place to run around and shout. And they do! The whole afternoon after school they spend running around outside, shouting, playing, getting to do what kids do! And I hear we might be getting a blow up swimming pool for them from some friends in the states some time this year........ OH the fun they are going to have!
So, that is one of the reasons I haven't been blogging much lately. Between moving and not feeling well, not really much time or words to be said.

Need and Want

2010-06-02T13:18:00.005+03:00

There is a struggle that comes with living overseas. It's carried over from the culture I was born into as well as a struggle that reigns within the country I live in. It's a struggle between two worlds, two realities. Rich vs. poor. Abundance vs. lack. How do I live with the guilt of what I have been blessed with while so many have so little?
American culture says we need a lot. We need everything. We need everything newer. We need everything bigger and flashier. We need everything that is better. Without leaving the borders of the U.S., I probably never would have noticed this. When I speak about this to those that have never stepped into a third world country, I am usually met with a blank stare.
But, the problem is obvious. And it's not just America vs. Uganda. Even within Uganda, it's obvious between the haves and the have nots. It's the same struggle.
Most of the time I'm content with what I have. I might occassionaly crave a food from home or long for a new shirt, jeans, or pair of shoes. But, mostly, I am content. However, once in a while, I struggle with those cultural pressures, the desires (lies) that lead me to believe that my wants are really needs. There's the struggle: how can I feel that way when I look at the environment around me?
I don't really need most of what I own but find myself wanting more. The life I live in Uganda is not a hard life, especially when compared to others. I spent my first several years here living in a one room shack, no electricity, no water. I traded that in for a two bedroom apartment. And am again trading my two bedroom apartment in for a three bedroom house.
It's still stretching at times. Water and power go off, sometimes for weeks at a time. But, I'm not living in a house that leaks. Me and my small family are not crowded into a tiny space. I can afford medicine when we need it. We don't sleep hungry (although I wish we could afford more meat- again, a want not a need). Yes, it gets hot at times. But, we can open up the windows for fresh air and not worry about the smell of sewage creeping in.
So, in writing this, I have found no answers. The struggle will continue. All I can do is pray that I find a healthy balance while living in an unjust world.

Mercy

2010-05-28T19:03:00.003+03:00

This is Mercy. Mercy joined the Baby Class at my school in October last year. This year she was in Middle Class. From October to the beginning of this school year, we noticed Mercy losing a lot of weight.
Mercy was an orphan. We learned that her father died of AIDS. During the course of the term, Mercy continued to lose weight. She was weak and rarely talked. Myself, her uncle, and her teacher kept encouraging Mercy's grandmother to have Mercy tested for HIV. She continuously refused. I don't know if she was in denial, not wanting to admit there was a problem, or not wanting to face the stigma. Mercy was never tested.
This term started on Monday. Mercy never appeared for school. Yesterday in the afternoon, some relatives came to the school to inform us that Mercy had been admitted in a clinic and was badly off. This morning I got a call. Mercy died during the night.
Mercy probably suffered needlessly all her life. It may not have been HIV. It could have been something else easily treated. Even if HIV, there are free medications available. My prayer is that people won't let stigma stop them from testing their children.
In a staff meeting this afternoon, we have decided that for a child to remain in the school program, they will have to be tested. How many more are there that are infected that it is not yet known, that are being left untreated?
It was really hard to explain to Mercy's class what happened. Jackie is in her class and this is what Jackie told me when she came home. Mercy died. They are going to put her in the soil. Then she's going to go and stay with Jesus. Jesus is really strong.

Clowns Without Borders/Kisenyi Acrobatic Group

2010-05-12T08:05:00.003+03:00

Every school break, I try to have some sort of program running at the school. This holiday it's been just the primary school kids along with 4 high school girls. They've been doing sports, choir, arts and crafts, drama, dance, etc.

I also try to have one fun event for them each holiday. This break we were able to be have a combined group: Clowns Without Borders from Sweden and Kisenyi Acrobatic Group from Rwanda come to perform for the kids and the parents/guardians.

I think it definitely will be the highlight from this holiday program. The kids smiled and laughed the whole time.

We watched them perform skits, dances, tumbling, build pyramids, ride a unicycle, juggle, etc. They did an excellent job!

My kids also decided to share with them some of what they have been practicing this break. They recited a poem and sang a song.

Mother's Day

2010-05-10T14:07:00.002+03:00

Mother's Day has usually been a day of dread for me. Reason being is a long story, which I'd rather not go into on this blog. However, yesterday was a much different Mother's Day.
For the first time, I wasn't focused on my lack of relationship with my mother, but on the relationship I have with the 3 wonderful kids that live with me.
I've enjoyed the last year of being a "mom." I've definitely learned a lot. It's had its ups and downs. I've learned to love more than I ever thought imaginable.
Ups: lots of laughing and shouting daily around the house, hugs and kisses and I love yous before bedtime, more laughing, having a child officially become a teenager, living with a sweet teenager, Jackie losing her first teeth, all three learning to speak English, family nights out to eat........
Downs: Jackie's almost dying of AIDS, Jackie being diagnosed with cancer, chemotherapy, Jackie's mom taking her, Yosam adjusting to a new home......

Throughout all the ups and downs, I've been able to see many blessings. I've never regretted taking in any one of the three children and know that if I had refused on any of them, it would have been me that missed out. It's been a far greater blessing to me to have each one of them that I could ever be to them.

Life as a Missionary is NOT a Romance

2010-05-06T15:20:00.002+03:00

The following rant comes after attending a Women's Bible Study today. I got the privilege of sitting down with two other missionary women. Both have been here a comparable amount of time (going on 9 years) as me. It was awesome to be able to honestly share my soul and know that they really "got it."
Because, you see, missionaries are nothing special. We are normal people. We still get down, depressed, excited, annoyed, angry, pissed off, etc.
I loved being able to share with and be encouraged and encouraging to these two beautiful ladies. It's rare that I get to be that transparent as I always feel like my "work" and myself here as a "missionary" are being judged. Like I have a different standard to live up to than others.

It's always very interesting to work with newbies- new full time missionaries or first time short term missionaries. I'm sure I was once there, although don't really remember it, or maybe I was one of the few who had some early reality checks that prevented me from seeing everything through rose colored glasses.
Yes, I am a missionary. However, this title doesn't define me. Actually, I hate it. I don't consider myself a missionary. I'm just me. This happens to be the career I chose, but it isn't all that I am.
Life is still life. It still has its ups and downs, its hills and valleys. The only difference is the location.
I hear these newbies say all the time things like:
"Oh, it must be so much fun living here."
"I'm going to come back here and save all these children."
"This is the best country in the world. The people are poor but they're happy."
And the list could go on and on. I could also rant on and on in response but here's just the little tip of the iceberg.
In living anywhere, you are living life. No place is always fun. Neither is any place always boring. There's good and bad in everything. Life as a missionary can be lonely at times. It can be heart wrenching at times. At other times, it's very full and very rewarding. But, these things are true of any job a person could have.
Yes, there are new experiences, new things to see, new things to taste, etc. But, those things quickly become normal parts of your life. Some of them will even grow to get on your nerves. Others you will even come to hate. Same as living in the country of your birth.
Then there is that feeling of living in a fish bowl. Everyone is looking at you and in some ways you will feel like you are constantly being judged. Supporters are looking at you to make sure you are really "holy" enough. Churches will wonder if you are really qualified enough. Those living around you will set up apart as the one with all the answers. You will begin to feel like you don't get to really live your life, but that you are just trying to live up to other's expectations or not mess up and become a fool. Or worse yet, get pulled off of the field you love so much because your sin is "bigger" than a non-missionary's sin (because remember, you are supposed to have it all together).
Yet, you are a person just like any other person. You will never be "holy" enough. Sin will always be a part of your life, a dragon waiting to cut you down. You will never be qualified enough. No amount of skill or training you have will prepare you for living life. It might make some things easier, but you're still not going to get it all right.
And you will never be able to fix everything. All the problems around you will still be all the problems around you. The little that you are able to do will be like a speck of sand sitting on the ocean floor, insignificant. It might impact one life, but look around you, poverty and hardships will still be there. You will not be able to solve every problem. You will not be able to solve every child. There will still be children not attending school. Children will still die of preventable diseases. Children will still sleep hungry. Parents will still be drunkards. Families will still lose their homes. So, to say you will come back and save all these children, is setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. It just won't happen.
And yes, people know how to put a smile on their faces, show you hospitality, while you are here. But, don't think for a moment that they are happy in their poverty. Don't think that they find happiness in watching their children slowly starve to death, die of malaria because there's no money for the medicine or the clinic has run out, or not be able to attend school. The longer you live in a poverty stricken area, you will learn that it's not that these people are happy in their circumstances. They've just learned to bear it and learned to not show everyone their problems. But, enter into the heart of the community, and you will begin to hear the stories of sorrow, the heartache. You will find the initial joy you felt slowly turns to grief and pain as these people you love show you their heart, not just the smile on their face.

Remember, being a missionary doesn't define me. It's not who I am. It's the career I have chosen (or some would say that I have been called to- if you have to "holify" it). I am a normal person- with my sin, my mess ups, my attitude, my joys, my sorrows, my cross to bear.........

Living Life to the Fullest

2010-05-04T08:51:00.002+03:00

Yes, I am a somewhat quiet person (until you get to know me, then I can be quite talkative). People seem to think that quiet equates to stupid, reserved in actions, etc. However, I've always been somewhat nomadic and a bit of a risk taker, never wanting to live my life inside of a box. I think I've always been sort of weird, different from others.
I don't want to live life with regrets, what ifs, wondering what would have happened if only..... I've always lived life thinking I won't know unless I try. That doesn't mean I don't count the cost of what if I fail. The experiences of life, the failures and the triumphs, are what makes up the story of our life. Each experience, each failure, each triumph is a lesson learned.
When I left life in the states and started life in Uganda, most people thought I was crazy or had completely lost my mind. I saw it as following what my heart was leading. Most thought it would never work out. I wouldn't know unless I tried it. Each step along the way, people have asked when are you coming back, when are you giving up, how long are you going to do this, what future in it is there for you, etc. But, to me, my life is an amazing story. I'm getting to learn, experience, and see things that most people will never even dream of.
I never want to wake up one day and realize my life is almost over and I never really lived it. I don't want to look back on a life lived in a box, lived in fear, lived in missed opportunities. I don't want to look back on a life of "I wish I would have."
I want to look back on a life lived on "Oh my gosh!" moments. I want to be able to look back on a life that was truly lived, and lived to the fullest.
Will there be regrets? Yes. Will there be mistakes? Yes. Will there be bumps and bruises along the way? Yes. Will there be heartaches? Yes. But, those things will be reminders that I've really LIVED life. Will there be pain along the way? Yes. But, that makes the good times all the more joyful!
Life is about the experiences, taking the opportunities God gives us, the good, the bad, the joy, and the sorrow. It's the memories, the story of our lives. It's about dreaming and setting out to let those dreams come true. It's about letting life be all that it can be!

Home

2010-04-29T09:09:00.003+03:00

Where is home? I believe I am home, and the saying "Home is where the heart is" to be very true. I frequently get asked. When are you coming home? How long are you going to be there, as if there is some place strange for me to be? My reply: "I am home. I'll probably come to visit the states in a few years (or when Jackie is grown up and married)."
I really do feel at home. I'm at peace here. Roots have grown deep here and are going deeper by the day. My apartment is here. My kids are here. My life is here. I love Uganda and don't look at it as being a missionary here. I actually hate being referred to as a missionary. I live here. It just happens that this is where I'm serving God.
And it's not that Uganda needs me. I'm blessed to have the privilege to live here. I've been tremendously blessed here. Blessed by the love that has surrounded me (not that there's never any problems or conflicts in relationships), blessed by all that I have learned, and blessed by all that God has shown and taught me here.
I've always been somewhat of a gypsy, never really feeling settled. In fact, in my entire adult life, I've never spent more than a year in a particular residence (until the apartment I'm currently living in- by the time I move out it will be a year and a half). But, living in Uganda is settling me. I don't long to move around, unless out of necessity (distance from work, etc.). There is still a lot that I want to see and do, but Uganda has pulled my heart. No matter where I go or what I do, I believe I will always be drawn back here. I'm loving the sense of stability that I've had over the last couple of years here. And it's getting more and more stable by the day as roots do continue to grow deeper.
I am home.

I've Got My Room Back!

2010-04-20T21:43:00.002+03:00

She did it! She finally decided that she would move into the kids room! And she's loving it! I am too!
At the beginning of April (after a couple of weeks of discussion), Jackie finally decided that she would move into the "children's room." Now, it no longer the "children's room." It is her room and her bed and she's a big girl because she can sleep alone in her own bed!
And I've got my room back! No more little kids clothes and toys strewn all over the place. I can go to sleep at whatever time I want to. I can watch movies or read a book while in bed before I go to sleep without having to worry if I'm going to wake someone up! It's given me some privacy! I can actually close the door and get a moment or two alone (although they are usually very brief moments before I'm interrupted by a knock on the door).

Lots of other stuff going on in the last month since I've posted. Visitors. Meetings. Staff changes. Parents craft group beginning. End of term I for students. A weekend away.
I really wish I was better and more consistent at blogging....... maybe someday.

A Recent Conversation With Jackie

2010-03-17T15:21:00.003+03:00

Ever since Jackie has been home, she has slept in my room in my bed, which she boldly proclaims is our room and our bed. I'm not real sure when it ceased being mine and became ours.
In the other room, there is a twin size bed where Yosam sleeps as well as a triple decker where Mary sleeps, leaving two extra spaces for whoever else might be here. Recently I was thinking how great it would be to have my room back and my bed back so I thought maybe since all the kids get along so well, I could convince Jackie that being a big girl meant moving into the other room.
Our conversation went something like this:
Me: Jackie, why don't you sleep in the big bed with Mary? That would mean you are really a big girl now.
Jackie: That room is for THE CHILDREN. I'll stay in OUR room.
End of conversation. Somehow she isn't a big girl, she's a full grown woman that doesn't want to move into the kids' room.
Needless to stay she is still sleeping in our room and in our bed........

An African Adventure...... I Mean Bus Ride

2010-03-10T21:10:00.002+03:00

After a recent Facebook post, I decided to look for this old post from way back in 2005 on a blog I had then. The writing is not the greatest or most thought out but it should be good for at least a laugh or two.
At the time I was working with an organization that had branches in various parts of the country as well as neighboring countries so I got to do quite a bit of traveling, although traveling of the cheapest variety.
So here is the old post:
I had to travel all over the country last week and had to go by bus. Not a greyhound where you purchase a ticket and know what time the bus is leaving. Here you just show up at the bus park, board a bus heading to your destination and when it is full it leaves. Well, leaving from Kampala, I found the bus already full. Actually it was already leaving..... meaning its wheels were already moving. It was already full and by full I mean every seat was taken and any other available space had someone standing in it. However, although the bus was moving, the door was still open for anyone who might be able to hop in a moving bus, which I decided to do. I didn't feel like waiting for a couple of hours for the next one to fill.
I managed to jump on but obviously it was standing room only. This is quite a feat with all the potholes (craters) in the middle of the road. Possibly, it was a bit like water skiing?????
After about an hour, people started getting off the bus. I managed to snag a manmade seat (cardboard and cushion over the engine). Yes, the engine was inside the bus! Toasty buns anyone?!
Then, after about three hours we stopped for a potty break. Modern toilets? Nope, find a bush and drop your pants. Men on the side of the road, ladies a little ways off of it. We finally reached the town near where I was heading. Notice I said near. My actual destination was a bit outside of town so I had to get a matatu (a minivan that serves as a taxi). They are supposed to hold 15 people, including the driver and the conductor. We had 20+ people squeezed in there like beans.
Then I get to the farthest place that this taxi went and had to hop on a boda boda (motorcycle taxi). Halfway, I need to visit a place of convenience again........ find another bush.
When I was finished at this particular destination, I decided that possibly it might be better to get a special hire (a car that serves as a taxi), thinking it might be more comfortable/convenient. These are supposed to hold a driver and four passengers. We had ten adults squeezed into this tiny little vehicle. Imagine, hips everywhere!
Then, that night another bus. This time I had to wait two hours for it to leave. At night there are no potty break stops. This one did stop for gas though so we were able to get out and quickly visit the place of convenience. Bladders were very happy. There were no bushes, although with the result, I think most would have preferred a bush. The gas station had rows of pit latrines. They were in no way fresh smelling. In fact the one that I used was especially foul. In fact, really foul. When we got back on the bus, people were noticing a really disgusting smell. Turns out it was coming from the clothes of the people that had used the especially foul latrine. We had gotten back on the bus smelling like a bunch of really nasty baboons. Definitely didn't make for a pleasant night time grab some sleep ride. We all ended up laughing and threatening to remove our clothes and toss them out the window.
Next morning, another bus and more bushes (I think I was thankful for the bush this time).
That night another bus. This time the bus didn't need gas and we were in an area that had a lot of rebel activity at the time. However, my bladder didn't wish to cooperate. The driver was refusing to stop. My bladder was screaming! I was begging the driver. He continued refusing. Finally, I threatened that if he wasn't going to stop, I was going to make my own toilet on the bus. He finally stopped at the next town, which really wasn't a town. It was more like a row of shacks called a town. There was NO TOILET there. Thankfully there was also no electricity. I went to the side of one of the buildings and visited a place of convenience while having a conversation with several guys sitting there. Can you say UNCOMFORTABLE?????
The next morning another bus. Again, it was a two hour wait. The bus finally fills and the driver tells us that the bus isn't going but that there is a bus a little way up the hill that is empty and ready to leave. We looked like a bunch of mad cows running up that hill. There was no line or order to get on the bus. No gentleman to offer to let women/children go first. You had to fight your way on. I don't know how I managed it but I was like #6 to get on. Only a few minor scratches and bruises. At least I got a seat and didn't have to stand up for the next four hours! Finally, I was able to sit back, relax and enjoy my ride back to Kampala.

Don't Leave Them Alone In The Kitchen

2010-03-03T11:35:00.006+03:00

You have just seen the result of my kids being left unsupervised in the kitchen for too long!

I Really Must Be Crazy

2010-02-21T21:22:00.002+03:00

So, let me just put this out there for all of blog world to read. I started running a school on $300/month last year. NUTS....... and just to let you know no one can do it. Not even in a third world country. I end up using most of my support money to cover expenses on the school. I'm not bragging, just stating a fact.
Around the time that the school moved out of my house and into an actual building I asked to increase this by $50. Still doesn't cover everything, even though I'm still living in a third world country.
Well, this year, I planned to add 12 children to my school to make the total 24. Well, that 12 ended up being 26............. So, I definitely can't run it on $350/month, not even with adding my support to it.
I again asked for an increase. I figured I could safely raise the amount to $500/month without depleting the account and embarrassing myself. So, today I was working on my monthly budget for March. By the time I finish paying all the teachers and staff, electricity, water, rent, (you know all the really essential things), I figured out that I will have $2 per child per month for food and school supplies. It's going to take more than a miracle for this to happen. Even if I add in my support.......... I keep hearing a teeny tiny little voice in my head saying, "It's never going to work!" But, the crazy side of me, or the part of me that walks in blind faith, is praying that it will work. I'm praying that God will show Himself in a real and tangible way every month by somehow miraculously making sure that every need is met. That I won't fall flat on my ____ and be embarrassed.
Or you could help out and sponsor a child................

Deo

2010-02-12T16:41:00.003+03:00

I meet a lot of kids. They come knocking on my door. They show up at my school and hang around on the compound there. They tell me their stories, what their life is like. They share with me their hopes and their dreams.

Sometimes it is heart wrenching. I come home and cry, knowing that for the majority of them there is absolutely nothing I can do. My support can only stretch so far. And sponsors are few and far between.

Sometimes, I'm foolish and if I've got some money saved, I'll take a child back to school and pray that by the next term the child will either have a sponsor or money will have miraculously appeared. I've been doing this frequently lately. Hope I won't be kicking myself in the butt soon when second term rolls around.

Deo is one such kid. He appeared at school one day. He had used the shortcut and came through the back way. He was really humble and sat on the veranda until Uncle Charles started a conversation with him. Charles called me over and we spent some time talking with Deo that day. He had quite a story.

I usually test the kids to see how serious they are and it gives me time to follow up and investigate their stories........ So, we told Deo to come back the following week, just to hang out with us. We weren't real sure he would show up.

Why? He's a street kid. Deo lives on the street. He has no home. He has no where that he goes back to each night, no pillow, nothing. His mom died when he was young from the village. He and his dad moved to Kampala. His dad has no real way of supporting them so they ended up in the slum. Deo's dad drinks a lot and soon found a new wife from one of the local bars. Deo told us of how she would treat him. It was pretty horrific. Finally, Deo got fed up and left home. He's been on the street since.

He told us how he is tired of that life. He really wants to go back to school. He wants a chance to be a normal child. Deo has never been to school. He's not real sure how old he is but looks somewhere between 12-14.

Surprisingly, Deo turned back up. He would chat with us, sometimes just sit quietly. I was really feeling like he was serious about going to school. I felt like he's worth taking the chance on. So, we told Deo we'd like to find his dad. He looked skeptical at first but said he wanted to go to school so ok, let's look.

About a week later, we located Deo's dad. He's still living in the slum. The condition is not much better than Deo sleeping outside. He lives by the trench where all the sewerage gets thrown. When it rains that water enters the house. The house looks like it's going to fall down any day.

Deo's dad, on first appearance, looked to be someone I would fear to walk upon at night. Looks can really be deceiving. His dad sat and talked to us for a long time. It's clear that he loves his son, although he may not really know how to show it. He still has the new wife so doesn't think Deo would be able to come home.

Another shocking blow...... Deo's dad revealed to us that Deo's mom died of AIDS. Deo was born with HIV and the dad is as well HIV+. Deo's dad receives ARVs from the national hospital. Deo was also receiving them from the pedicatric AIDS clinic until he ran away from home. He's been off ARVs for an entire year! We already knew that Deo is almost completely blind in one eye, but finding out that he's also positive was somehow crushing to me.

I keep finding myself face to face with children that have been infected innocently. Another way that so much potential is wasted. The majority will die before reaching adulthood. The majority will be too weak to enter the workforce or to remain a productive part of the workforce. It's stopping development on the African continent. How many future engineers, doctors, accountants, presidents, teachers have died way before their time because of a disease which is highly preventable and highly treatable?

But, I'm not a person that gives up easily. I don't easily succumb to these odds and shy away from these children. They have HIV but are not HIV. They still deserve a chance. They deserve hope.

So, after several meetings with Deo's dad, it has been decided that when Jackie goes back to get her refill on meds Monday, Deo will be accompanying us. We'll be meeting with the counselors and doctors there to get him started again on a new treatment plan. After a couple of weeks, hopefully he will be stabilized on meds (or at least a plan in place), and I'll be taking him to school. I've already contacted the Christian boarding school where my kids that board attend, and someone there is willing to monitor him taking his meds. I'll be responsible for taking him to the hospital until we feel he is ready to take on that responsibility alone. And, the person at the school, let me know to talk to the pastor about a possible opening in their home or at the very least, for Deo to remain at school during holidays to prevent him being on the street when school is not in session.

I'm excited about the possibilities for Deo. I'm excited that although he's almost grown up that he's going to get a chance to attend school. I'm excited that he's willing to face this disease head on. I'm excited that he has hope. I'm excited that he's willing to fight!

Please pray with me that I'll soon find Deo a sponsor. He's a loving kid that deserves to know someone is there cheering him on, someone that cares for him and is praying for him.

Thoughts

2010-02-10T20:27:00.003+03:00

The words to this song ("Faithful" by Brooks Fraser) sort of fit where I am at in my thoughts at the moment, some things I've been wrestling with........

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So I whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tongue,
knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

The Youngest Victims

2010-02-09T20:52:00.007+03:00

I love math and statistics. I know most people do not so I don't normally post a bunch of statistics. But, today I want to, mostly to show the need. Maybe someone else will be a numbers person and hear the cry of the countless innocent victims, mostly being left unheard.

I found these on the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric Aids Foundation website. Most of them come from the UNAIDS AIDS Epidemic Update (2009).

(www.pedaids.org/AboutPediatricAIDS/Statistics/Global.aspx)

Nearly 1,200 children under 15 years of age are infected with HIV every day, most as a result of mother-to-child transmission of the virus. Without treatment, 50% of newborns infected with HIV will die before their second birthdays.

An estimated 430,000 children were newly infected with HIV in 2008, approximately 16% of the total new infections. 390,000 of these children were in sub-Saharan Africa, more than 90% of all new child infections worldwide.

An estimated 280,000 children died in 2008 of AIDS-related illnesses.

I could continue. The numbers are staggering and the disparity between sub-Saharan Africa and the developed world are staggering. It's not fair and it makes me angry.

Children living with HIV became personal to me several years ago when Nakato came to live with me. I had no idea she was infected. By the time I knew, it was too late. They say ignorance is bliss. In that case, ignorance was death.

At that time I was hurt. I chose to harden myself to it and not really deal with it. Then Jackie walked into my life. She touched a special place in my heart. I can't really adequately express in words how much she has changed my life, my heart, my world.

I look at her and daily see a living, breathing miracle. She shouldn't be here. Daily I am reminded to not take any minute that God gives me with her for granted.

I had a sober reminder of that a couple of nights ago. One of the kids in my school died rather suddenly (after being sick only 4 days) to AIDS related complications.

One of the ways Jackie blew up my world was to ignite a passion in my to work with HIV infected/affected families. The majority of the children that I have added to my school this year are affected by HIV in some way. They've lost a parent to the disease. Their parents are living with the disease. And quite a number are themselves infected.

This has brought several "stupid" comments from a number of people around me.

"Why are you wasting you time on those kids. They're just going to die."

In Uganda, children are often stigmatized, or worse yet, left alone to die, if they have any condition that would make them a "less productive" member of the family. It's not just HIV, but sickle cell, physical deformities, blindness, deafness, etc. Families don't want to "waste" their money educating a child that will not be able to give them something back.

But, these children were infected innocently. They didn't choose it. They didn't choose to live a lifestyle that would expose them to the virus. It was passed to them unasked for. Sometimes by mothers unknowingly infected by unfaithful husbands. Sometimes by negligent mothers. Sometimes a mother afraid of the stigma of going for treatment.

In my mind, I've learned to treat HIV as any other disease. Yes, Jackie takes lots of meds and I worry when she gets something even as simple as a cough. But, if she had been a child diagnosed with diabetes or asthma, other chronic treatable diseases (which can also kill), would I have ran from the responsibility. No, I would have just dealt with it, given the meds and moved on with life as normal. So, in this case that is what I've chosen to do as well.

We're all going to die. Not one of us is promised to be here tomorrow. Yes, I know some of these children will die. I know that God will give me the strength to endure and handle it. I also know that some of them will live a long and productive life. They deserve to have a normal childhood, just like any other child.

Resilience

2010-02-07T23:25:00.003+03:00

I had a conversation with my downstairs neighbor this afternoon. We've had a few conversations over the year that we've both lived here, mostly guessing as to whose apartment will be the first finished, all the dust and noise the carpenters made, etc. Nothing too deep. I had no idea that she really noticed me or what I'm doing much at all. Guess it's hard not to notice the gangs of children moving up and down the stairs and in and out of my apartment, though, especially during school breaks.

Anyway, today myself and the night watchman were moving mattresses, bags, cases, etc. out of my apartment the short walk over to the school. Her first comment was "You're one strong lady." I thought she was just saying something about the fact that I was the one that was moving the things physically myself. Her point was different.

She went on to ask me how I kept doing what I was doing, mostly without the help of a big organization backing me. She asked me what kept me going, what kept me from giving up.

She kept saying that I was so resilient. That's not really a word that I would normally throw out to describe myself. I would use something like shy, quiet, nothing special, etc.

And honestly, I don't know what (besides God) that keeps me going. Life here is hard. The need is enormous. The hurting around me is devastating and there is a limit to what I can do. I've watched children, friends, co-workers die. I've seen things that can't be put into words. But, I love it here. I don't want to be anywhere else.

I've been told before that I was a fighter. It seems life has never been simple or easy for me. I've always seem to have a stumbling block in my way. It seems things have always been harder for me than those around me. I remember my high school principal telling me on numerous occasions that I am a fighter and that she admired my never giving up.

I wish I could see more of this in myself. Most of the time, I'm comparing myself to others (not something I'm proud of doing) and thinking that I'll never measure up. I look at the missionaries around me that are doing really big things, and see that what I'm doing is like only a drop in a bucket.

I've slowly started to realize that although the things I do may seem small and insignificant, possibly to one individual they are meaningful and making a difference. I know that was the case in my life. Every mountain that I had to climb, there was someone climbing it with me. My high school principal and her daughter, one of my teachers, never let me give up. Maybe that is what drives me. Hoping that for a handful of these kids it will make a difference. Hoping that they will find a way out of the chaos they live in. Hoping that they will have a better future than what has been behind them.

But, the thing that keeps me here, and keeps me going, the most: I feel that I am right where God wants me to be, doing exactly what God wants me to be doing. And His grace is sufficient for every situation, every mountain to climb, every tear that falls, every failure, every heart break, and every downfall.

Chance

2010-02-05T23:18:00.002+03:00

I don't know why I'm always drawn to help teenagers, girls most especially. Possibly because I see the danger that they face here and want to help protect them. It's becoming more difficult as I have way more kids needing help than I have people lining up to sponsor.
A few days ago, two girls knocked on my door. I'm trying to stop people from coming to my home looking for sponsors so I sent them over to the school. I told them it would be a while as I had an appointment somewhere else first. A couple of hours later when I reached the school, I found them waiting patiently. They told me their story and I told them to come back with a letter of recommendation from the headmaster of the school as well as a letter explaining themselves to me. I can't take these girls back to school at the moment due to not having enough sponsors. I've already got 20+ that I've accepted into my program that I have no sponsor for. Possibly when you read what they wrote, God will lay it on your heart and you would desire to sponsor one or both of them.
Here is what they wrote:
My name is Pauline. I am aged 16 years. I was born in a family of four children, one sister and two brothers. My father and mother are still alive. my father had his own house and there was a man who came saying the land on which the house was built was his. My father was taken to court and he was arrested. When he was in prison, my mother took me to a church and I started studying. When my father came back, we started renting a room. Unfortunately, he could not manage to pay rent so we were chased away from the room. My mother went to stay with her friend with my youngest brother. These friends used to sell alcohol and my mother used to drink. My sister and other brother were helped by a Muslim man at the mosque. I had a friend who took me to the old man who I now stay with. I don't know where my father went.
I got sponsorship from the church up to when I finished primary level. When I went back to see whether they can help me join my secondary level, they told me that they only help children in primary, not secondary. I lost hope because I was left hanging with no one to help. I didn't know where my father was. My mother a drunkard. My mom fell so sick and she was taken to the village with my youngest brother.
The old man I stay with has no money, even feeding us is a problem. So, he told me to go back and try again. I went back and they told me that I had no sponsor but since I have no one they will fundraise for my fees. I was sent to school. Sometimes they could pay late or half of the money or simply forget so the school demanded the fees and I was chased from school.
I call for any assistance. Please help me achieve my goal. I would like to become a doctor and treat sick people and children. Please, I don't want to become a failure. I don't want to move around the village and end up in marriage. I don't want to become a housegirl. I promise to study and be among the best. I promise never to discourage you. I will make sure that your money is put in proper use. I will never do any stupid thing to annoy you. Give me hope that one day I can become a useful person. Help me become like other children I admire and dry my tears. I will keep my promise as said above. I will make sure that one day I will help children like me. Let me hope that my application will be considered.
Your friend,
Pauline

My name is Winnfred. I am 15 years old. I am writing this letter to ask you to help me in my education. We are 10 children in my family. I am the 8th. My father died of AIDS when I was 4 years old. By then we were staying in the village.
My mother had no job so she decided to come to town with three children who were young, me and two little sisters. When we came, she had no food, job, or house for us to stay in. One woman helped us by letting us stay with her but she didn't give us food so we could feed on leftovers from hostels. One day people gave my mother some money and we went to the market. We bought tomatoes and we could sell them to get some money.
I think after something like two months, my mom rented a house and brought my sisters and my brother from the village because no one could help them there. One day a friend came and told my mother that there is a church which is helping children in education. My mother took us there and we were given a chance to study.
We started studying. When I was in primary 4, my mother died. It was my worst day in my life because I had nobody in this world who would look after me and my sisters plus my brother. One day one of my mother's friends decided to help me by staying with me. So we started separating. Two sisters of mine were married so my two young sisters were taken by one and the other one took others.
Last year 2009, I finished my primary school and I was among the best candidates in Uganda that did well. I was in Division II.
So this year, I am to join secondary but I have no fees because the church which has been helping me has stopped. They said that what they have done for me is enough. But, I want to continue with my studies so that I finish and I become a lawyer to help my sisters and street children.
That is the reason why I am asking for your help. I wish you sweet dreams and wonderful days only. My God bless you and your family and friends.
Your friend,
Winnfred

Please let me know if anyone would like to sponsor one or both of these girls or any other child. Of course before admitting them officially into the program, a thorough investigation has to be done to verify their stories. But, somehow I believe them. I've admired their persistence and determination in continuing to pursue a chance of being sponsored.

Vincent

2010-02-03T23:14:00.002+03:00

Seems It's Going To Be Another Nutty Month

2010-02-03T21:31:00.002+03:00

January was absolutely NUTS! There was nothing normal about it, from the weather to death to kids seeming to lose their minds (ok, not really, but teenagers are not NORMAL).
And now we've entered Feb........ and it's looking a lot like not Christmas but a repeat of Jan. (hopefully without anyone dying though).
I've got parents flooding my home and school asking for sponsors. Now I have a waiting list of over 100 children. No way I can even touch that for the time being. Seems they will be waiting for quite some time and some of them waiting not too happily.
Then a disgruntled employee. This has been going on for quite some time. Anything anyone says he's ready to argue and go even further by abusing you with his words. Finally, today I've had enough and asked him to leave. He has until the morning to get out, probably not wise as everyone around is a bit fearful at the moment of what he might/could do. Since leaving the school at 6 in the evening, I've been called back there 3 times to deal with him. Not sure how many times it will happen tonight......
His brother is coming in the morning to put him on a bus back to the village, around 6 hours away. I think everyone will breathe easier after that.
One bright spot in the day was meeting little Vincent. This little guy captured my heart immediately. As soon as he saw me, he ran up and grabbed my hand, as if we were old friends. I was going to do a home visit before he is officially admitted into the school and he happily held my hand and escorted me to his home. His home wasn't such a bright spot as it's just a bunch of iron sheets nailed together with a dirt floor. Also, he and his mom are HIV+ and of course his dad is no where in the picture.
You are probably asking where is the bright spot in all of this???? Well, all of Vincent's papers are filled out, signed and stamped by the correct people and he is going to begin school on Monday! He's going to get to learn and get breakfast and lunch every day. Plus, I'll get to see his beautiful smile every day!

50%

2010-01-25T22:44:00.000+03:00

I read a statistic today that 50% of Uganda's populations dwell in slums. Slums that are dirty, full of crime, where AIDS is rampant, prostitution is normal, and men rarely play their role in the family.
It's a vital ministry. However, slum ministry is just plain hard. It's daunting. It seems endless and thankless. The problems and the heart break often times seem to outweigh the triumphs and the joy. And today has just been one of them days.
One of my kid's uncles greeted me this morning with: "Don't pay school fees for my niece as of yet. I hear she's pregnant." Lovely, I had my day planned out and it didnt' include a pregnancy check up on a 14 year old child...... The day before a grandmother had informed me that she didnt' want her grandchild going back to school. Very unusual so a home visit was on the schedule..... didn't know it was going to turn into a nearly all day affair..... Then the uncle told me to take all the girls living in his home to be checked for being pregnant.
So, let me start with the grandmother. She was just plain evil. I have no other word to describe her. I've never seen someone with so much hatred towards a grandchild. She was insisting that the girl was worthless and shouldn't be in school, telling me not to waste my money. The child was insisting that she wanted to go to school and the grandmother was practicing witchcraft (there goes that lovely accusation again) and just wanted her to miss out on her chance. I was insisting to the grandmother that yes, children misbehave and are badly mannered at times but it was my role to guide them and not give up on them. Still, she was insisting no school. I was insisting that taking the child out of school will make things worse. An idle girl in the slum..... let me see, can we say pregnant within the next year or becoming a drunkard or countless other tragedies??????
Most families that I've come across that accuse their children of being badly behaved beg for them to be taken to boarding schools where they can be out of hte slum, more closely monitored, and better disciplined. And it usually works! However, this grandmother was just CRAZY. Again, I about 90% believe the witchcraft accusations. (maybe I'm getting sucked into this accusation being thrown around).
The girl began threatening to kill herself and said if she had to stay another night in that home she would do just that. Now, I was really concerned, not wanting that hanging over my head. I told the grandmother since we couldn't sort it out, I was going to bring the local officials and let them sort it out. That made her nervous. She quickly changed her story and said that she wasn't the one responsible for decisions concerning the child, but that there was an uncle who was (male dominance). So, I asked to see the uncle. I was told he lives some ways away. We called him and he said he didn't have money to get there so we would have to go to him. Another surprise expense I wasn't expecting. We loaded up the in a hired car (the driver, a translator, the child, grandmother, and an auntie- who the child wanted to move in with). We arrived at the uncle's workplace, where he didn't even want to look at or greet the grandmother. That is her child but seems they have their own grievances.
His response was to not remove the child from school and if I was willing to take her to boarding, I should do so. He also said to let the girl stay with the auntie until school begins. We told him he needed to give us written consent and it needed to be signed and stamped from a local official. He called about two hours later to say the letter was ready and that he wanted to meet with us again to give us more details.......
Now, to the teen pregnancy issue. I headed back and found only 3 of the 5 girls at home so we were off to the clinic. Results: 2 of the 3 are pregnant. One three months and the other four months. My heart just sank. I look at these girls and see babies. The one that is three months told me she didn't want to miss her chance for schooling and had already taken drugs to make the baby abort. My heart sank again. She said she expects it to work before school begins. I'm praying it doesn't.
The other child we advised to not abort, but to have the baby and then get back in school as quickly as possible, meaning I'll have to start looking for a relative to take the baby. She agreed.
I called the school counselor to let her know what was going on and she advised as well to get both girls back in school as quickly as possible and that she would give them extra attention.
Now to break the news to the dad. The one four months pregnant is his niece, the other his daughter. As you can imagine, he was crushed. He said he's a single dad, how can he help a 14 year old girl deliver. His suggestion is to send her to an auntie in the village, the auntie that she was living with until two months ago, when she came to live at his home. Another family meeting is in the schedule for tomorrow. I'm not really for sending her back to the village as there will be little to no medical care, but not real sure of which woman to send her to here in town........
Then it was time to focus on my little kids for the evening. Two children that have captured my heart, but who I know are both really sick. The fact that both are HIV+ often times escapes my mind but from time to time, the reality hits me hard. I don't know for how long they will be here. I may not get to see them grow up. I love them more than I ever thought it was possible for me to love and know that a part of my heart is going to always be with them.........
So, while my heart is continually breaking, I know that I've asked God to break my heart with the things that break His. I know that He has the strength to help me carry this load. I know that He gives the grace and comfort. And I know that in the midst of the sadness, He will provide all the joy I need to keep going. In all the crap that surrounds me (and I also mean that literally), I wouldn't trade places and be anywhere else in the world, or doing anything else than what I'm doing.
Please keep these kids in your prayers. Every statistic imaginable is stacked against them. But, I know in Christ they can overcome. Today's tragedies become tomorrow's triumphs!

On a Boda Boda In the Rain

2010-01-15T21:19:00.002+03:00

My life has been mad busy the last few weeks. It's always like that the month before school starts. I don't mind though. Actually, I much prefer business to idleness or boredom. So, this week I've been running around doing shopping, making photocopies, cleaning the school, and an assortment of other things. It's been a great week for moving around town as it's been sunny and warm.
So, today, I decided to get a number of things done. I worked with the teachers in the morning at the school preparing classrooms and getting things ready for the children to come back on Monday. Around 11:00, I went with a mom and two children to register for school. We spent a couple of hours there.
Then I headed to meet a friend in town where I was going to eat lunch, make photocopies, and burn some CDs. I jumped on a boda boda, my preference for fast travel around town. About a minute into the ride, without any notice, it began to pour. The sun was shining and it was raining, heavily. There were even small sized hail stones, not so comfortable when riding a motorcycle. It felt like I was being pelted in the face by small needles.
Needless to say, I arrived at my destination soaked. I looked as though I had jumped into Lake Victoria fully clothed, swam for an hour, and then got out. My friend just laughed when she saw me. Of course she owns her own vehicle so she was completely dry. I ended up running into the nearest store and buying a new T-shirt. It wasn't exactly planned in my budget but it's a nice shirt so.......
I was completely soaked but didn't want to buy a new skirt and everything so I just kept on the wet skirt and put on the new T-shirt. I did remove my bra though. That's a great thing about living in Africa. Many people go without, so no big deal! So, ladies if you want to come and visit, it's a comfortable place to live in that regard.
We continued with our daily activities and about 30 minutes later the sun came back out.
Another little note on this story........ I don't like drivers who just look at you sitting on the back of a motorcycle in the rain and laugh at you. I had one lady when we were stalled in traffic just look at me. Later while I was eating lunch, the same lady walked up to me and said she saw me on the boda and felt sorry for me. My thought was, if you felt sorry for me, couldn't you have offered me a ride?

Clan Spirits

2010-01-12T21:44:00.003+03:00

I mentioned in my post yesterday that people were talking about Tom being disturbed by clan spirits, that these spirits were the ones making him do odd things, including not want him to study at school. People talked of these spirits being the one to have killed him.
I didn't put much in this. I'm not a very superstitious person and just kind of look at things in black and white, usually. However, after what I saw and heard today, my perception has changed. I know that I definitely need to keep myself covered in prayer, that spiritual warfare is real, and there are battles that are being fought that we can't even imagine, especially over children.
Tom's burial was way out in the bush, the middle of no where. There were many shrines along the way and one on the homestead of the family. It was probably one of the darkest places I've ever stood while in Uganda. Most of the men were drunk. No one seemed to be interested in the service. Any time a song was sung or the name of JESUS was mentioned, you could see most of the people becoming very agitated, hear murmuring, and see movements among the crowd that were not natural. When it came time for the Word to go forth, the family elders physically stopped the pastor from preaching. They wanted none of it.
It really made some things add up to me of what I've seen over the last year. Each incident on its own was meaningless, but put them all together and something strange was going on. Tom was a normal boy just a year and a half ago. Then the nightmares began. When arriving at school, Tom refused to sleep on a bed alone. He would do strange things like instead of putting on a belt, tie banana fibers around his waist. His clothes were ever dirty and it was like he was becoming a mad man. It became evident by the middle of the year that Tom had some mental problems.
There's a lot that I'm trying to process in my mind and I can't adequately explain all that I experienced today. It was definitely rather spooky to me. I've known that I live in a country where witchcraft abounds but usually I choose to ignore it. Today, was a wake up for me to realize how much work remains to be done here, how many strongholds need to still be broken, how much this land is still entrenched in the demonic, and how much we as believers need to understand the spiritual battle that we are fighting. We don't need to be complacent on such issues, but realize they are real.

R.I.P. Tom. May 1992- Jan. 2010

2010-01-11T21:53:00.003+03:00

I don't even know where to start on this blog. So many thoughts running through my mind. So many questions. Guess that's pretty normal for anyone working with kids though.
Tom is a guy I met a couple of years ago. On first appearance, he seems to be a humble guy, a good kid. And for the most part he was. Outside of the usual teen issues.
But, Tom seemed to have some sort of mental problem. He was always polite to me but usually seemed to not really have it all together. He was usually giving his grandmother a hard time and recently disappeared for a couple of weeks.
He reappeared about a week ago. I did home visits last week on Wed. and spent a considerable amount of time talking with him and his grandmother about the way forward for Tom. Would he be returning to boarding? A day school? But, most importantly, where did he stand in his faith? His behavior showed us one thing while what he said showed us something different. At the end of the conversation there were more questions than answers. But, by the time a child reaches 17, there's only so much one can say. The rest is turned over to God in prayer.
While there talking to Tom and his grandmother, Tom complained about headache and stomach pain. Both of these are signs of malaria. His cousin-brother is a student in one of the technical schools in the national hospital and was able to get him treatment. However, last night, Tom worsened. His cousin-brother left with Tom to go to the hospital. Along the way, Tom collapsed and was dead before reaching the hospital.
It's put so many things in my mind. Again, wasted potential. Then imagine spending your whole life in a dirty slum, only to die before reaching your 18th birthday. Never to know anything different. Never to have any hope of anything better. It makes me ask myself so many things.
Was I talking to him and directing him enough? Was I praying for him enough? Am I praying for all my kids enough? Was I loving him enough? Was I showing him Christ's love enough? Was I really teaching him any valuable life lessons? Did he really know Christ? Where was he standing in his faith?
I've said this many times. In Uganda, witchcraft and superstitious beliefs are embedded in the culture, even among very devote Christians. One thing that I've heard repeatedly over the last few weeks is that Tom was being disturbed by clan spirits. It was said that these spirits were the ones making him do odd things, including not wanting him to study at school. Today, I was told that it was these spirits that killed him.
I'm not real sure what I think at the moment. It's definitely possible. But, it's equally as possible that it was simply just malaria. Or maybe it was just God's time for him.
Whatever the case, please be praying for all of us here as we head to Tom's burial tomorrow. Burying a child, no matter how old, is never an easy thing. Pray for peace for his family, especially his grandmother. She's already lost 5 of her 8 children (4 to AIDS, 1 to war) and a number of her grandchildren. In a perfect world, the old wouldn't have to bury the young. Pray for safety as we all travel. We'll be going to a village a couple of hours away. Pray for hearts to be touched in the midst of tragedy.

Jackie and Yosam

2010-01-10T22:17:00.002+03:00

Yosam's Home

2010-01-08T20:59:00.003+03:00

I thought Yosam would be moving in on Jan. 12. He came home a bit early which was ok by me! His mom was in a serious accident a little before Christmas. She was not only hurt physically but her mental state declined. She refused medical treatment but wasn't coherent, nor would she eat or drink. Her relatives were contacted but all refused to come to help her or to pick her up to take her to the village. After much debate, the villagemates of where she was living, put together their money and took her home. A neighbor took in Yosam for a few days until he could be brought to me.
During that time, we went to the home again to see if there was anything which Yosam would need or could use. We ended up taking only one shirt! His blanket had been thrown up on so many times and left that there were too many maggots living in it to even try to clean it. I decided to just buy him everything new.
So, on Friday afternoon, Yosam came home. We weren't sure how he was going to take the move. He's a somewhat shy kid. But, he's done wonderfully! He cried only a couple of minutes at bedtime Friday night. The rest of the time, he's fit right in to the craziness in my household.
Today, the big girls asked him if he was ready to go back home to Mukono. He just looked at them like they each had three heads and simply told them that he now lives here in Kampala, in his own bed, with his own blanket. He's even bonded well with me and if I leave for a bit runs and clobbers me with hugs to greet me!
I was worried that he and Jackie might not work out well together. Mostly, I was worried that Jackie would be jealous or Yosam wouldn't get enough attention. But, Jackie has loved having a playmate her own age. Actually, I think she thinks that she's his mom...... she drags him around and bosses him around enough! He's such a sweet guy. He just follows her along. She's sweet to him too though. She makes sure she gives him some of her food and helps him clean up after himself, including going to the toilet with him and making sure he washes his hands........
Yosam is definitely behind where he should be in a lot of ways though I'm sure with Jackie looking after him, he's going to quickly catch up. He's not been in school and has been the only child at home with a sick mom. I don't think he's been talked to much, played outside physically much, or had much training in a lot of other things like how to hold a fork, etc.
I'll be going to the hospital with him sometime this next week to get him started on ARVs. Please pray that it will all go smoothly.

Hopelessness

2010-01-03T20:43:00.003+03:00

Many times I ask myself: Why am I here? Why am I fighting a battle that I'm never going to win? I'm only one person, can I ever really change anything here? And many other random, discouraging thoughts that pop into my mind from time to time.
I guess these are normal thoughts for any missionary that is faced daily with poverty day in and day out, that doesn't seem to be able to be changed.
It's hit me several times over the last week or so, especially when I'm watching Jackie. She's so bright. She deserves to have unlimited opportunities. But, the reality is, her opportunities are pretty limited.
She keeps asking me to teach her to swim. There's not really a cheap way to do this besides filling her little plastic basin with water and letting her play. Not highly effective. She should be getting to enjoy ballet classes, piano lessons, the best schools. She's a child that if born in another time and place really could have gone far in life. She could be anything, do anything!
But, because she was born into poverty, in a developing country, to an HIV+ mother, her chances are very slim. Sure, I can help to get her the best medical help available. I can take her to school. I can teach her everything I know. But, I can't give her things and all those lessons.
But, wait a minute, are those things really all that important. Popular psychology would say yes. Develop a person to be all they can be. Achieve every goal, etc. But, isn't what is really important is that she knows, loves and honors God? That who she becomes gives glory to Him?
Hopefully, with the little that I am able to give her, that she will know God, she will love God, she will honor God, and everything that she is/does will glorify Him.
I know she is learning who He is. I catch her singing songs like Father Abraham, Jesus Loves Me, The B-I-B-L-E throughout the day, along with grown up songs like Amazing Grace, I Surrender All, and Morning Glory (that's one that a friend of mine here wrote and the big kids performed at the Christmas party). She's like the pastor in the house demanding that everyone close eyes and pray before eating. She's usually the one to lead us but from time to time will tell one of the other kids to pray. And nightly, she never forgets that she and I pray together as I put her in the bed at night.
So, while I still say life is not fair, wish I could take away the HIV+, and give her more opportunities, I know that she does have hope. Her situation isn't as hopeless as it was 6 months ago. She's learning Truth, which is much more priceless than any of the lessons I could ever provide her with. It's something that will give her a greater possibility than any piano lesson or ballet class ever could. It's something that gives her far greater hope than any amount of money could ever buy.
Pray with me that I'll remember this when I look at any of my kids and feel dispair for not being able to do more for them. I don't want them to waste the potential that they have, especially the potential of knowing who they are in Christ.

Witchcraft

2010-01-02T22:11:00.002+03:00

Uganda is hailed as being a country with many Christians, and a rapidly growing number at that. What is not said is that it is a country where Christianity is "a mile wide but only an inch deep."
Many people say they are Christians. They were born into a Christian family, given a Christian name, possibly even baptized in the church. But, for many, it all stops there. Many will say they are Christian because of the above said reasons but will live a life contrary to being a Christian.
One of these ways in the amount of witchcraft that is practiced here- by Christians, Muslims and those that say they belong to nothing. It's widely practiced. Some will pray saying they have faith and then head to the shrine. Some will say they are poor but spend everything seeking answers from the witch doctor.
Any time someone falls sick or there is some sort of tragedy in the family, the immediate cause is stated: "I've been bewitched."
I've got this going on at the moment among my staff. Most of them don't get along. This is largely due to division among tribal lines here. But, being that I live in the city where all tribes are living side by side and not in a village where it is one tribe as a majority, it's difficult to choose from only one tribe to employ. However, it makes for some very interesting staff meetings.
At the moment, three of the staff live at the school. Three different tribes living side by side. I've been telling them they'll have to learn to get along. For the most part, it's been ok, minus one of the staff. For the past couple of weeks since the holiday program ended, she's been gone most of the time. She only comes once in a while, bathes, and then leaves again.
Well, today, the other staff reported to me that when she comes to bathe that she uses local medicines from the witch doctor and then pours the water in strange places. The staff that was reporting this to me had her son nearly die a couple of days ago. This staff was asking me if I was afraid she would start bewitching me too.......
So, the accusations fly! I'm not sure if they are true or not. Could be or it could just be hatred and it's an easy accusation to make. Whatever the case, I know my God is bigger than any bewitching and I choose to stand and put my faith in Him. Whatever may come, witch doctor, local bewitching medicines, I know I am protected.

Another Year!

2010-01-01T12:14:00.004+03:00

2010! I can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday people were scared about all the craziness that could possibly happen at the turn of a century, 2000! Well, nothing happened. The world didn't stop and we've passed another decade......
Every year people ask what kind of resolutions will be made for the next year. I don't really make them as I think I should be resolved to make changes regardless of the time of the year. I do like to look back over the past year and reflect on what were some of the blessings and joys, accomplishments, some of the struggles, disappointments, and things I should have done differently. 2009 was no different. There have been many of all of the above.
Let me just share a few of each:
Blessings: sharing my life and learning from so many precious children, watching their lives tangibly change, wonderful friends and working under a wonderful missions organizaion
Joys: Jackie beating cancer, praying and worshipping with the kids, visits from people from the states (this was the first year that has actually happened in 8 years)
Accomplishments: getting the school started, raising the funding for back to school first term 2010 (although this had nothing to do with me, it was all God!), goal to reach 50 children in the sponsorship program before the end of 2009 (ended with 66)
Struggles: getting the school started, living with teenagers (all of them girls......), keeping my mind focused and not dwelling on the past
Disappointments: the end of a very dear friendship (I'm still praying that it will be reconciled), death of several friends and children, having to let some staff go (due to their not working up to standard)
Things I should have done differently: time management, time management, time management and many more which I won't share here

So, overall, 2009 was a wonderful year! I don't regret having passed through it, learned a lot in the course of the year, and am looking forward to see what 2010 holds!

Christmas 2009

2009-12-27T14:09:00.007+03:00

Herbert

Jackie

Queen

Hawah

Mary
Esther (below)

Christmas is one of my least favorite times of the year, for a various number of reasons which I won't go into here. However, since I now have children in the house, I tried to make the best of it.

On Christmas Eve, we all headed to the local market. It was good that we did since it rained the whole day on Christmas day. The girls did manage to get outside when it was light and pick a branch from somewhere (I'm still not sure where they found it) to use as a Christmas tree. I had some leftover balloons from a couple that were here a couple of years back that they decorated the tree with.

We spent most of the day cooking: beef, chicken (which thankfully Mary and Hawah don't fear to kill), matooke, potatoes, spaghetti, greens, cabbage, chapati, pineapple, and watermelon. Ok, so we didn't have to cook the pineapple or the watermelon but it was part of our meal.

Then we laid around watching movies until a couple of guys from church showed up. Mama Herbert (the cook at the school) also came over with Herbert. We then goofed around a bit, ate some more, and then it was time for soda and cake!

So, not exactly an American Christmas, but quite and enjoyable day indeed! Plus all the girls got a few new things. I don't do the whole gift thing but all of them needed a few new things so each got a new skirt and a couple of shirts along with a watch.......

What Was I Thinking?!

2009-12-24T23:31:00.002+03:00

Today is Christmas Eve.......duh, you already knew that. So, why did I decide in the middle of the afternoon to go to downtown Kampala? Not a bright idea but fun in a strange sort of way.
I hopped on a boda boda and had the driver drop me off just near the taxi park. I swear half of Uganda's population (ok maybe just a third) were crammed into the 4 streets that I did shopping on. From the top of the hill, it looked like a whole bunch of ants moving around. But, that's where the cheapest shops are. Lots of thieves and stuff too. But, being that I'm on a pretty tight budget, decided to brave it and see what I could find.
You pretty much had to shove your way down the sidewalk and don't bother being offended by stepped on toes, grabbed butts, or any other trivial matter. Just make sure you hold onto your bags tightly and keep moving forward. It was at this point that I realized that I wasn't carrying a purse. Just my coin bag grasped in my fingers.
After all the shoving, the sweat, the noise, etc. I finally managed to finish my Christmas shopping for the girls. One towel, 4 shorts, 4 skirts, and 8 blouses later, I was done! And all for the grand total of less than $30!!!! I've learned to bargain pretty well if I do say so myself. All of my purchases were done in the inside shops (known to be more expensive than the ones on the outside along the street) and no item is secondhand!
Now time to shove my way back up the hill (in the same madness) to get another boda boda to weave in and out of traffic back home.
So, while the day proved to be fruitful and uneventful (I didn't lose any item that I purchased or my coin bag), I don't think I'll willingly repeat it next Christmas Eve. Or maybe I will....... just for the experience. I love big cities!

Yosam

2009-12-18T22:08:00.004+03:00

During my years here in Uganda, I've been confronted with the reality of AIDS several times. It's heartbreaking. I've watched people suffer and die. I've lost a child that was living with me. I've lost some of my close friends. I watch mothers struggle when they are weak with the disease struggle to provide for their children. I've watched children lose their childhoods taking care of their sick parents. Many are quick to judge people who are infected saying why don't they stop risky behavior. But, the reality is, most women here don't have a choice. Their economic well being is tied to a husband. The support for their children is found in their husband. Most women (especially among the poor) have no voice to refuse sex to a husband, even when they know their husband has been unfaithful. These same women have very little control over birth control, putting their unborn children at risk.Scovia is one of these women. Her husband infected her while in her marriage. He knew he was positive and when he found out she was pregnant ran away, leaving both her and the child HIV+. Scovia has struggled to raise Yosam alone. Often they go without food. Yosam is of school going age but has never been able to attend because of lack of fees. Now Scovia is in the last stages of AIDS. Death will come at any moment. Yosam will be left alone in the world. His grandparents are refusing to take him because he is the son belonging to another family (children belong to the father here) and he's also going to die of AIDS.I got a call a few weeks back from a village leader in Scovia's village. She had heard that I take on children with such problems and was asking if I could take the child. My immediate reaction is that my house is already so full. (It's the holidays and I've got 9 girls living with me). But, I know that God will provide so I told her if she could follow up with all the necessary paperwork, I would take him. I met Scovia last week. I can't imagine being a mother knowing that I'm going to die and my child has no one. While we were talking I saw light in her eyes and a smile on her face. The friend that was with me (her neighbor) said it was the first time she's ever seen Scovia smile. Yosam will be moving into my home on Jan. 12, 2010 and beginning school the following week. I'll be taking him to visit his mom every month and his mom will (if able) come to visit him. Scovia and Yosam are currently not on ARVs. Yosam will begin taking them when he moves in with me. Scovia has little hope. Pray that God revives the fight to live in her. If she can take the ARVs, there is a chance for her to regain strength, have a prolonged life, and be able to take care of Yosam again. We are also working with the grandparents. Pray that their hearts will soften to this little boy and he'll be able to stay connected to his family. By the way, Yosam is not yet sponsored.....

Words vs. Actions

2009-12-17T21:36:00.003+03:00

Today was the day that Jackie's mom and I were to visit the adult AIDS clinic. You have to arrive there at 7 or earlier to actually get seen on that day. So, I got up early and picked her from home (she's staying at Jackie's late auntie's place) and walked to the hospital. However, we arrived to learn that they have changed their system a bit- only 5 new patients were taken in per day plus new patients that had made an appointment. The nurse told us that we could wait until around 10 and if someone didn't show up for their appointment, we could get squeezed in.
So, we SQUEEZED ourselves into the waiting area. The benches are made to hold 4, 5 at the most, adults. We were sitting with 8 people on a bench, hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder. What made it even more interesting is that benches face each other so you are kneed to knee with the person sitting opposite of you. Let me tell you moving off of the bench was a real experience. You have to pretty much crawl over people to get out. With the number of people that were sitting in the waiting room (and that was only 1 day for the month of Dec.), you could think the whole of Uganda is HIV+.
We all hear praise to the leaders of Uganda that the HIV rate has dramatically fallen to around 6%. I don't believe it. Let me tell you, the reality on the ground looks to be a much different story. The hospital where I took Jackie's mom is only one of many all over the country. Each one caters to thousands. And what about all the people that know they are infected but opt not to go for treatment. Plus the ones that don't yet know they are infected. My guess is that the real rate is hovering around 25-30%. Not much different than the rest of SubSaharan Africa.
I get a lot of slack from people here that I get overly involved with the families that I work with. Perhaps it is true or perhaps that is the reason that I am here. These are deacons and leaders in the church that will tell me to just give the person the money and let it be. Basically just do the minimum.
They said this really harshly when Jackie first came to live with me. Why would I bring in a child that is just going to die? My answer: What if she doesn't die? What if she outlives me? What if they find a cure? None of us are promised tomorrow. Even if you have an HIV- child, there is no promise that the child will not have any complication or live longer than you. I've learned to celebrate each day with her and believe that she will outlive me.
I get told by the same people that I love people too much. I'm doing too much for them. Why do I need to escort someone to the hospital? Because it's as scary as hell. I don't know how many of you have visited third world hospitals but they can be a maze to figure out. I didn't even like going alone when I first started taking Nakato and even this time with Jackie. I would get a friend to go along. Now, I've gotten used and don't have a problem going alone, but I understand the feeling.
I know that if I didn't escort Jackie's mom, she wouldn't have had the strength to do it alone. Today I saw sheer terror on her face when the nurses would ask her a question. She could barely get an answer out. Tears would well up in her eyes and she would look at me to answer for her.
So, yes maybe I get too involved. Maybe I do love too much. But, if I was in their shoes, I would want someone to get too involved, to love too much, to care too much. Aren't we supposed to show our love with our actions and not just our words? Isn't it true that actions speak much louder than words?
By the way, we never did get squeezed in to be seen today. The appointment is set for Jan. 14.

Prayer Requests

2009-12-14T20:26:00.002+03:00

I was blessed to spend the day today with Jackie's mom. Although where we spent it isn't really my choice of where to get to know someone better, at least some trust was built.
We spent the day at the children's AIDS clinic at the national hospital. This is where Jackie gets all of her ARVs. We went to test the baby.
I know this was a huge step for Jackie's mom and she didn't want to take it alone. I'm glad that I was able to be there. The baby was tested and the results will be back on Jan. 4. Will you pray that miraculously the baby will test negative. As a precaution, the baby was started on septrin, the medicine that is given to every HIV+ person to ward off infections. If the baby is found to be negative, this will be stopped. If positive, it will be continued along with ARVs.
Jackie's mom was also tested and of course tested positive. She's been referred to the adult clinic and is to go on Thur. She has asked me to accompany her.
The whole day I was worried about interferring in her private life. At each phase of the day, I would ask her if she wanted me to wait outside or go with her. Every time, she wanted me to be there.
Jackie's mom is young, only 25 years old. Today, all the fear I had of her was wiped away. I just saw a scared young woman, trying to deny reality, who really needs someone to stand alongside of her. I'm glad God put me in her path and I pray that I can be someone she can rely on, a shoulder to cry on, and maybe that she will somehow see Christ's love.
Of course, each room we went to, the doctors and nurses asked about Jackie. What does this mean for Jackie? Was she going to take her? All of them expressed concern and shared with her mom how much I've struggled with Jackie. Each room, her mom expressed that no she wasn't going to take her back but just continue to visit her. This was bold as it's not seen in a very good light in this culture for a mom to abandon her child. I'm really proud of the way the nurses and doctors handled her, each one with courtesy and compassion, and seeking to show her what is the best next step for her life.
Please keep her mom in your prayers. This road is not going to be easy for her, especially if she and both of her children are needing to be on ARVs. Jackie's mom's name is Catherine and the baby is Sophia.
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On a different note, please also pray for Tom. Tom is one of my kids that I've suspected has some mental handicaps but because he manages to keep his grades up and has good manners, I've not really pushed the effort of having him psychologically tested. I probably should have.
You see, socially Tom's wires don't connect very well. He has few friends. Other teens pick at him and bully him.
He's been in a boarding school where they have really sought to protect him, teach him coping skills, and help him to manage daily life.
I was told that recently another mzungu had made some promises to Tom. Promises of sponsorship from America, taking him into a new home and taking care of him. Something of the story doesn't really add up.
There have been a lot of these stories in the last few years and the results are almost always nasty stories of abuse and human trafficking.
On Saturday Tom disappeared from the home where he lives with several of his cousins and his grandmother. He's not been seen or heard from since.
I'm also skeptical of what the real motive is behind his leaving. Was it really bullying at school as his grandmother and older cousin are saying? Or is it something more? Another one of his cousins that used to live there left a couple of months back and has refused to move back home.
Pray that Tom will return safely, that the real story be revealed, wisdom in how to handle him, and should he really be in a boarding school or does he need to stay at home and attend a day school?

Emotions

2009-12-13T11:57:00.002+03:00

This past week I think I've felt every emotion imaginable. It's been a crazy week. A draining week. A good week.
When Jackie's mom took Jackie on Monday, I felt like a part of me had been taken. I wasn't sure what to expect. I didn't know if she would really bring her back. Would she be given her meds? Would she sleep under a mosquito net? Would she get enough to eat?
Tuesday some of my fears were relieved. Jackie's mom allowed her to call me three times. That set my mind at ease. Her mom would have had to been the one to dial the number and give Jackie the phone.
On Wednesday, Jackie was supposed to be returned to me by 1:00 in the afternoon. That time came and went. Time for Jackie's evening meds came and went. Dinner passed. It was time to sleep. No sign of Jackie an her mom's phone was turned off.
Everyone was feeling it. The other girls in the house didn't believe she would come back. They prayed. Jackie's uncle was on edge. His children told me he was pacing in front of their house and refused to sleep.
Around 10, I received a call. It was Jackie on the line. I told Jackie to put her mom on the phone and since I can't hear Luganda well on the phone, I handed my phone to Esther. Jackie's mom was asking could she bring her now. Of course.
The girls ran down to the gate and waited for two hours. It was like a queen had come home. Even the neighbors and the night guard were excited to see Jackie returned.
The next day I spent several hours with Jackie's mom, along with several people from the village that are all concerned. She opened up a lot. She told me where she lives, Jackie's grandparents' names, phone numbers and village. She also shared that she was not born again.
She told us that she left Jackie in the first place because her new husband would not allow her to come into the marriage with Jackie so she left Jackie with the relatives. That husband has since divorced her and left her with a 2 month old baby. That sounds horrible and most will think that the mother shouldn't have left. But, after living here for so long, I understand. Women have very little rights here. Their well being (especially economic) is strongly tied to their husband. When you have a child and no husband, you have very little hope.
Jackie's mom came back on Friday for our Christmas party. I was glad that she got to see Jackie with her friends, at school, having fun, etc. Her mom shared with me that she never expected to see Jackie doing this well.
When talking with Jackie's mom and her uncle, Jackie's mom said that there is no way she can take Jackie. She can't manage the meds, sending her to school, food, giving her a good place to live. She said she'll continue to come to visit her.
Her mom is also very worried about the baby. Is she also infected? We'll go to the AIDS clinic on Monday and get the baby tested.
Pray for Jackie's mom. Pray that she will have peace, that she won't look behind but to the future, that she will do what she needs to take care of her and the baby's health. Pray that she will continue visiting Jackie and that a strong, trusting relationship can be built between me and Jackie's mom. And mostly pray that her heart will be softened and that she will come to know Christ and His love.

Jackie's Mom

2009-12-08T08:54:00.002+03:00

For the past 6 months, Jackie has been my constant shadow. Most of this time she has been really sick, meaning that there has been an even greater attachment, or at least I feel that way. One thing I've been praying during those 6 months is for her mom to appear. For many reasons. Legal. Jackie's well being. To keep ties with the family.
She finally came yesterday. It was emotional for everyone, to say the least. She seemed to be very pleased to see Jackie at school, to see her looking healthy and happy, to be speaking English, to be loved. She repeatedly said thank you.
I'm not sure she really came on her own free will to see Jackie. I think it was Jackie's grandmother putting pressure. Jackie's mom told us that the grandmother was fearing that maybe Jackie wasn't ok or that the mom had just dropped her anywhere (which she did). The mother requested to go with Jackie to the village to see her grandmother.
Jackie's relatives (on her father's side) were not wanting her to go. They told the mom you have seen you child. You know she is doing well. You go and give a report.
My heart hurt to let her go but I didn't want the mom to feel like I was taking her child from her or to have hard feelings or to become angry. I told her that on my part I had no problem so long as she could give her medication. She said she would be willing to do that.
That led to our next conversaton: Jackie's health. I had to let Jackie's mom know that I had tested her and that Jackie is HIV+. The mom told me that she herself knew that she (the mom) was positive but that she didn't know about the child. I'm not real sure I believed her. Her mom was sitting there carrying a brand new baby. She asked me if I thought the baby was as well infected. The only way to know is to have the baby tested.
I asked the mom if she herself was taking ARVs. She told me that yes, she is. But a few minutes later, one of the uncles asked her and she said no.
I showed her all the medications, gave her all the instructions, she asked what foods Jackie likes to eat and they set off to the village. She is supposed to return Jackie to me on Wed. At that time, we are supposed to go to the hospital where Jackie gets treatment from to follow up with testing the baby.
Please be praying:
for my peace in these days
that Jackie will be protected, given meds on time daily with instructions followed, and that she will be returned on Wed.
for the mom- for her heart to be open, for me to be able to share with her Christ
the best interest of Jackie- Does this mean her mom will want to be reponsilbe and take over caring for her and I help from a distance with school fees, hospital visits, weekends, etc.? Or does it mean my adopting Jackie (which we talked about very briefly) and keeping a relationship with the family?

World AIDS Day

2009-12-01T23:10:00.003+03:00

Every year on the 1st of December since 1988, World AIDS Day is celebrated. According to current UNAIDS estimates, there are now approximately 33.4 million people living with the virus. In 2008, around 2.7 million people became newly infected. There are now drugs that keep HIV infected people alive, living a normal life, reaching their full life expenctancy. However in developing countries, less than half of the people needing these life saving drugs receive them. I've read some estimates that only 1 in 20 children in these countries receive the drugs. This is largely due to stigma. Most parents don't want to admit their children are infected. What will the neighbors say when they are taking all that medicine? What will people think? I might lose my job. I will lose my family and friends. I live in a country where every person knows someone who is living with the disease and many that have died because of it. It has become a part of life. It's a part of life that I don't much like. I'm tired of seeing people die needlessly. I'm tired of hearing of women infected by their husbands (which by the way is the largest percentage of new infections in Uganda). I tired of seeing innocent children suffer because of being unknowingly infected. I'm tired of watching a generation of young people lose their parents early and struggle to survive. It's a disease that has changed my life. It's impacted me in ways I never thought it could. Although, I'm not infected, I live by an alarm for medicine for Jackie. Nakato, a child that was living with me that died from the disease. I've watched my friends die. I've looked after them when they were sick. And all the time I wonder: Why? Why can't they find a cure? Why can't they find better medicines? Why can't we make better choices? Why? Why? Why? Almost every child in my sponsorship program has been impacted by the disease. Some have lost both parents. Others are taking care of one surviving parent. Others have a sister or brother that is infected. Some are themselves infected. There is no child here that can't give you a list of names of people they know that have died of AIDS. Suzan is one of my kids. She's quiet, humble, hard working, and respectful. Her and her brother George are in my sponsorship program. Today was my first time to really hear their story. Like I said, a lot of stigma and shame still here. They finally told me that their dad died of AIDS and there mom is dying of it. They told me how things were hard at home. Their mom can't work because of being sick frequently so their older brother is the one to look for food, rent, etc. George is beginning high school next year and wants to be a doctor. Suzan will be taking entrance exams for a new school this year and hopefully will be in her final year of primary school. These are just two of my kids' stories. I could tell you many more. Each one has one has a story and for most it all goes back to AIDS.

Just To Be A Kid

2009-12-01T15:45:00.014+03:00

One of these children is an AIDS orphan.

Two of the children in this photo are from a Sudanes refugee family.

Two of the four children in this photo are HIV+

Two of these children are total orphans. The rest have only one surviving parent.

The last couple of days I've been watching my kids. They amaze me! They all come from all sorts of unimaginable circumstances: AIDS orphans, some are taking care of their mom dying of AIDS, some are children that are raising their siblings. Others are from the streets, driven their by circumstance, not by choice.

But, in the last week, I've got the privilege of watching them get a chance to be what they are: KIDS. They show up early in the morning and the laughter, the shouts, the running, the fun begins. For a few hours, they get to forget their problems. They get to enjoy life. They get to lay aside their worries. They get to eat breakfast. They get to eat lunch. They get to feel loved and cared for.

This week has been stressful for me, worrying about finances. But, in the worry, I get that reminder that it's all worth it. That for every tear I cry, every prayer I pray, my kids get the benefit. All the tears have been worth seeing their smiles!

Whirlwind

2009-11-29T22:11:00.002+03:00

I feel like the last three weeks I've been being tossed around in the center of a whirlwind, that is, if a whirlwind has a center.
First, term 3 ended. This ended the first year of the running of the school. I guess that shouldn't have really made me feel upside down. But, it did. It meant preparing end of term exams. Yes, I still think it's crazy to give a 3 year old and exam. But, it's done here so..... when in Rome, do what the Romans do! Then I had to grade those exams and fill out report cards for the kids.
Then there should have been thoughts of rest. NOT. The week after end of term I spent running around trying to get prepared for the holiday program. I was doing that in the midst of collecting kids from schools (because that was when most schools were breaking off) and trying to collect bankslips for school fees for next year, school supply lists, photos, etc. to begin getting ready for next year. That's a whole nother story.... one that has got me in panic mode.... But, like I said that is another story.
Then the beginning of the holiday program. It's been a lot of work but it's been fun for the kids. Of course, we were only half ready on the first day. But, that is the great thing about here. No one noticed. And since we are catering to kids, I don't think they really cared. All they know is they get to run around and play, get help with school work, get to hear about the Bible every day, plus get breakfast and lunch every day. (We actually tried to do away with breakfast because of funds. That worked only for a day....)
In the afternoons, the older kids stick around. The past week they worked on making beaded necklaces. I think this next week they are going to be learning how to make necklaces from recycled paper! And there is a guy at a local school who has a degree in art that is interested in coming to VOLUNTEER to teach the kids art!
I'm disappointed that enough money didn't come in to keep the program going throughout the entire holiday. We'll end on Dec. 18. In Jan. I'm still thinking that maybe at least the older kids can come in the afternoons (after lunch since I can't afford the food) and study and work on projects. Plus they are low maintenance. They don't need much supervision!
And my house is filling up! Of course, Mary and Jackie live here. Esther joined us for the holidays at the beginning of Nov. Today Hawah and Queen joined us. And later this week Juliet, Janet, Shakira, and Penina will be arriving (along with a mzungu on Sunday for a week visit!).
The first thing we did when Queen and Hawah arrived to night was to have a family meeting. It went well. We divided up the household chores. And wrote and posted it on a list. This way it will be hard for someone to deny that they didn't do the work or blame someone else. Pretty much, Jackie and I will be fetching water every day and Jackie is on trash duty daily! The other girls traded things around from day to day.
Now Jackie is sleeping and the other girls are in the other room talking and laughing! I love that sound!

Not Forgotten

2009-11-20T21:46:00.003+03:00

This is Jonathan or Jonah or Yonah. He is one of the most recent additions to the school. He joined us mid-October just a couple of weeks after his mother's death. Although he was a bit too young to be in school this year, I didn't have the heart to leave him at home while allowing his brother, Kevin who is 4 years old, to come. I let him go ahead and start coming if for nothing else than to eat breakfast and lunch every day. Kevin will move up to Middle Class (sort of like K4 while Jonah repeats Baby Class (kind of like K3).
When Jonah first started coming to school, he would cling to me most of the day. All he wanted was to be held. I spent most of those first few days with him on my hip. Now, he's used to school, and although at times still wants to be carried, he's full of life. He cracks us up with his silly antics and amazing smile!
A little over a week ago, Jonathan had no sponsor. Within minutes of me emailing out my newsletter, one of my "moms" from the states emailed and said that she would sponsor him. So, while life has had a rough start for Jonah, things are looking up. God did not forget this precious little boy. God has made a way for Jonathan to attend school, get two meals a day and to daily hear about how much he is loved by God.
There are millions of other children around the world that while the world forgets about them, God hasn't forgotten. Pray for these children to know that they really aren't forgotten, that there is Someone that truly cares for them and what happens to them, and for more children to get to experience the gift of feeling loved by someone somewhere in the world.

Encourage, Don't Judge

2009-11-18T18:10:00.004+03:00

Life is certainly not fair. How does a child that is so full of life have such a deadly virus living in her body? Why? Why not an old person that has had a chance to live life? Probably I'll never get answers to any of those questions.
I frequently hear comments from people (mostly westerners) about why is AIDS so rampant. Why don't people do something to stop it? Why do parents infect their children? It sounds so heartless and lacking compassion when I hear it. Do people not realize the circumstances that most of these people face that puts them at risk for infection.
I live in a society where women have no rights. Their well being often depends on a man. A woman's no is heard as a yes by men. So, what can a woman do? Really, only pray and trust God that her husband will be faithful. This is rare, the faithfulness, I mean. Remember I live in a society that says it's OK for a man to have many wives.
I don't think any mother would intentionally infect her child, especially not a mother that understands the consequences of this infection. But, what can this mother do? Often she is depending on her husband for economic survival. She has no where to run to. And what man is going to come home and tell his wife, "Oh, by the way, I've been sleeping around. I'm now infected with HIV so you probably are too." Few, if any. So, most mothers don't know they are infected until they begin falling sick. By then it may be too late for the child. So many women here don't have access to prenatal care. This means that preventing transmission to the unborn child is low.
Instead of condemning these women, why not encourage them and help fight for their rights!

Keep Breaking My Heart

2009-11-17T23:34:00.002+03:00

I have a visitor coming in a little less than two weeks. Today, I had a random thought on that. I was wondering to myself how my home will look to her. Not my house where I sleep but the country I now call home. I sometimes forget those first moments here in Uganda where I was taking everything in. All the smells, the sounds, what I saw.
I sometimes wish I could see with those eyes again. I looked around as I was thinking this. I was on a boda boda at the time. I couldn't help but think how all these things had become so familiar to me. The piles of trash, the naked children with their bloated stomachs, the mud, the smell of urine, the run down slum, the trenches that have to be jumped (while hoping you don't land in it), and all the poverty.
I wonder if when people first come if they are totally disgusted. But, you see, this has become my world, my home. I sometimes don't notice these things. They've become common to me. I don't get disgusted. Then I wondered to myself, does this mean I'm becoming hardened to the things around me? Am I losing the passion that I once had? Or is that I love these people so much that I have just come to identify with everything and choose not to let it bother me?
I got some answers this afternoon. I try to visit every family of the children that are sponsored at least once a month. Today I felt like going to visit a number of people. I went to the family that lost their mom recently. I hung out there for a bit amidst the flies hovering all around us. I then went to visit two old grandmothers raising their orphaned grandchildren. As we were sitting there chatting and laughing, I felt my heart breaking again. I can help these children with school but there's not much I can do about the situations they are living in. I would love to, but the money is never enough. There are too many people. Too many broken lives. All I can do is give the best hope I know, Christ.
Then I went to visit another family that I've come to love dearly. I've suspected for a long time that the parents and one of their three children are HIV+. They've never admitted it to me but there are just some signs. While I was there today, the mom sent all the children out, asked her sister to come in, shut the door, and then busted into tears. She let it all out. Both of the parents are infected and so is the middle girl. I also cried. I love these people. I love their little girl. She's a gifted child, always number 1 in her class, very bright. But, I know the reality is that she will probably never reach her full potential. Her life will be cut short. She will leave this world before it should be her time.
So, my questions were answered. I've not become hardened. My passion is still there. I walked home fighting back the next flood of tears. But, at the same time very aware of my determination to help at least a handful of these kids make it out of this slum.
God, I pray you keep my heart broken..........

It's a New Day

2009-11-13T11:46:00.002+03:00

So, teen life is more than just a little complicated. I hated those years in my life and I'm not sure it's any more fun raising a child through it. We spent yesterday pretty much in a silent house. I have decided though that unless someone is dressing, doors should not be closed.
I had already made plans to go to lunch with a friend that is leaving the country today and wanted Esther to go to the school for lunch. She wanted to stay at home. I relented and allowed her to.
Now, I have few rules in the house. I don't want to have to live by many and I know most of these kids have never had to live by any so to keep things simple, I just try to keep them as few as possible. One of the rules is a particular TV station I do not want turned on. I can't figure out how to block or remove it so I've just told the girls it shouldn't be turned on. Like telling them that is really going to work....... I'm contemplating getting rid of the TV. I never watch it anyway.
So, back to the story. After lunch I picked Jackie up from the school and we went home. Immediately, she turned on the TV and what station was there..... Yeah, you guessed it. The one I don't want on and what was on my screen was a horrifying sight. Teacher Hadijah was with us and we both just told Jackie to turn the TV off. We explained to her that she is a child and should watch something else. Luckily, Dora the Explorer is one of her favorites so I just popped that in on my laptop.
I called Esther into the sitting room and asked her if she had been watching TV today. She told me no. Now no one else had been home since morning and we had it on the Christian station then. I asked her if she was sure she hadn't just put it on for a moment. Again, she said no. I asked if she was absolutely sure she hadn't been watching that particular channel and she denied it.
I then put on the TV and asked her why it was that the station was there on the television when the TV was turned on. It couldn't have been put there on its own.
She kept quiet and went to her room.
I knew we really needed to have another talk. All of this behavior is so unlike her. She's always been my good girl, one of the ones I know I can depend on. This has all been just too weird.
I began asking her some questions and she finally broke down and told me that she had started fearing that one day I wouldn't want them to live with me, that I would tell them they couldn't come back.
It hit me like a train. How many times growing up (and possibly still do) did I act in strange ways to push someone away out of that same fear? All I could do was assure her that I was committed to them and no one was going to tell them to leave, no matter how crazy they acted. We talked about some of the good times we've had together and how much I wanted those to continue. I shared that I want for them some of the things that I never had.
I told her that I still had to punish her, not because I was angry but because I love her. If I let it go, then she would think it was ok to do it again. She had lied in front of others and it would set a bad example for them. Of course, she was disappointed and cried for a while.
But, later that evening, I saw the young lady that I know come back to life. She came in my room with a letter that she had written. She had looked up Proverbs 12:1 and written it down for me along with a note asking me to forgive her and that she understood.
I told her that tomorrow was a new day, a chance to start over and do things differently. And so far today, she has been a joy to be with. We've chatted, laughed, cleaned, and goofed off just like past holidays.
Pray that all of us will survive the holidays (there will be 8 teenage girls in my house + Jackie + me) and that we can all survive these teen years. And just think, after this group, I've got another round to go with Jackie and whoever else God decides to plant in my home.

Soften Her Heart of Stone

2009-11-11T23:20:00.002+03:00

So, how to discipline a teenager. I haven't really figured it out but had to do it tonight. Not sure how effective I was.......
So, we sat down for a family meeting around 8 in the evening: me, Esther, and Mary. Jackie started out with us but fell asleep. I figured she probably didn't need to be that involved since she was pretty oblivious to what was going on and just kept interrupting us as she would burst into her version of the B-I-B-L-E.
The conversation began with a question. Well, really a series of questions. What is a family? How is best to live with one another? How do we relate and be open to each other? From there we talked about choices. Mary answered a few questions. Esther just kept quiet and looked at the wall ahead of her.
Finally, I became direct and told them that I expected them to communicate in the house. I also expect them to tell the truth and to be trustworthy. Then I again explained to them that I had some Christmas things stored in one of the cabinets and some of it had been eaten. I told them that it was best to admit it now and just ask for forgiveness instead of making the problem bigger by lying. Still no admission. I asked both of them directly if they had taken anything.
Then I told them that I knew who had taken it and had removed it from their things. This meant that since they had hidden it, they possibly felt in their heart that it shouldn't have been eaten (sneakiness) and that they then covered it by lying.
We talked (or I talked) about how one lie will lead to another one until it is just a big mess. We talked about reputation and trustworthiness. Again, I asked. Again, both refused.
I directly told Esther that I knew she had taken it. She adamantly denied it. For about two hours we went on like this. Finally, I told her that one thing I wouldn't allow is someone that I can't trust in my house. I have another young girl that I dearly love but she's not allowed to enter my home because she steals and lies. I asked Esther if she wants to be in that category. After a few minutes she told me that she took it. But, there was still no sign of remorse. Just stoniness, like yeah, I did it. So what. The whole time never looking at me, never saying sorry.
We then talked about consequences. Her consequence is to be missing her school trip on Friday. That's when I saw remorse. The tears started. I'm not real sure yet if the remorse was for lying, for getting caught or missing the trip.......
I wish these girls could see their real potential. Esther is a beautiful girl. She's smart. She's a natural leader. I'm praying that God will soften her heart and that she'll use that potential to reach somewhere she's never dreamed or imagined reaching.
But, one thing I'm certain of is that this teen years stuff is no joke. By the time the conversation ended all of us were crying. OK, Jackie cried earlier because of wanting to sleep so by the time we were crying she was knocked out. Esther was most likely crying because of missing the trip. Mary was crying because she felt bad for her friend. I was crying because I had to be the bad guy, which I hate.

How Do You Handle a Teenager That Lies?

2009-11-11T08:45:00.002+03:00

I love having all the girls home! I love having a full house! Most of the time I enjoy their noise and the fun they make.
But, I'm discovering that young children, although more work, are somewhat easier to be a "parent" to than teenagers.
For example, Jackie doesn't mind showing me that she loves me. I can correct her. She's teachable. She doesn't stay angry for long when I discipline her. She accepts what I tell her and tries to remember it the next time. Like when she removes her clothes before bathing, she is supposed to put them in her basket for washing. If she leaves them on the floor and I ask her if that is where they go, she quickly picks them up and puts them in the basket.
Teenagers, on the other hand, don't like to be corrected. They think they already know everything. And, discipline is somewhat of a problem. I find it difficult to spank a child that is bigger than me!
So, Esther is home and I am very happy to have her here. But, things change when the girls come home. Mary behaves different. Mary usually is wonderful with Jackie but when the other big girls are home, Mary doesn't want to be bothered with her. I've caught both Mary and Esther hitting Jackie the last couple of days. Now, I know Jackie can also disturb them. She doesn't want to sit still and let them do what they want to do. So, I try to keep her distracted. But, they also have to realize that she's a young kid and sometimes just deal with it.
Mary does ok when she's corrected. She tries. I hope she doesn't get influenced by her peers. Esther, just looks at me like I've grown another head.
Then on top of that she has a habit of sneaking behind my back and lying. Mostly about food. I pretty much let them eat whatever they want to but ask them to be reasonable. Like I don't see why someone should sit down and eat 5 slices of bread at a go.
Then when I ask her if she wants something to eat, she'll tell me no. When I leave the house, food gets raided. I'll come back and a whole bag of chocolate will have been eaten. She's the only one in the house. Jackie and Mary are still at school.
We bought sugarcane the other day and there was a small piece left. Jackie wanted to eat it but she had already had enough. I told her to keep it for after school. We came back and it was gone. I told her to ask Mary and Esther if they had eaten it. She asked them and both said no. How does it just disappear like that. I knew Mary had been at school and unless she had taken it to school, couldn't have eaten it. She told me that when she came back she saw Esther eating it behind the house. I didn't want to confront Esther because I don't want her and Mary to be awkward with each other.
Also, someone had sent me a package of goodies from home. I decided to keep them and share them with all the girls at Christmas time. I had hid them up at the top of one of the cabinets, over where the stove should go. It's not a place that someone would ever really look in.
Mary knew it was there and it has been there for about 3 months without her touching it.
Yesterday, I noticed the cabinet had been left a bit open. When I checked, I found several things had been removed. So, I decided to feel like a snoop and check the girls' things. Jackie is too short but I checked hers anyway. Not that she would have been able to hide it well since we share everything. I found it in Esther's things. I quietly removed it and then locked the rest of the Christmas things in my room.
Later, I told the girls that the things that were there were for Christmas. I told them that some of it had been eaten and asked each one if they had eaten any of it or taken any of it. All replied no.
Now I feel like I have a sneak in the house that also lies. So, now how do I discipline? I don't feel like I should still be having to spank a 14 year old. I feel like now it more of a heart issue.
The reason I say heart issue is because of attitude. Or maybe all teenagers just have attitudes.

Esther's Home!!!!!

2009-11-05T12:47:00.002+03:00

If any of you can dig out one of my newsletters from about a year ago, you can refresh your memory on who Esther is. Or I can just tell you.
She's a young lady that I have been blessed to know. A total orphan but understands that God is her parent. Both of her parents died of AIDS. After her father died, her stepmother sold off their property and left Esther with nothing. Esther served as a housemaid for a family where she was abused and not sent to school. Then she met another "aunt" who took her in. But, this aunt was poor and lived in a one room house with her husband. The aunt was pregnant around the time that I met Esther. Anyway, to make the long story short, I started sponsoring Esther (yes, I also sponsor some of my kids) and she moved in with me, at least for holidays.
Esther was in Primary 7 the past year and most children prefer going to boarding school for this class so that they are well prepared for the Primary Leaving Exam.
Well, Esther took the exam earlier this week and arrived home yesterday evening! We were so happy to see her. She was greeted by Jackie shouting for her from our 4th floor balcony. I think now the whole village knows that Esther is home! Mary is happy to have someone home that is not over the age of 30 or under the age of 5! She and Esther didn't sleep until well past midnight last night. I'm not real sure how Mary managed to wake up and get to school. I hope she doesn't spend the day dozing in class.
The past year that I've spent with Esther has been wonderful. I've watched her grow and trust God more. She eagerly goes to church. She is awesome at leading her peers in prayer and Bible study. I wish everyone could know the blessing it is to have such a child in their lives.

Water, Water, Everywhere...... Except In My House

2009-10-31T17:41:00.002+03:00

So, ever since around end of May/early June we've had a water crisis of sorts in my house. First it was because the landlord was still paying the water bill and had forgotten to pay it. So, the whole flat was turned off. And being that this is Uganda it was some time before it was turned back on. Around that same time was when they were giving each apartment their own water meter so that we could begin paying our own bills.
When they did this, suddenly I had no water in my apartment. We tried and tried and no one could figure out why. Finally, the plumber decided that it was because I am on the top floor so there wasn't enough water pressure. OK, so fix it. He tried on numerous occassions but each time he tried I had a new water problem. I could tell you lots of storis on that but for the sake of time and space, I won't.
Then it was discovered that it wasn't the water pressure just for me but for our whole village and surrounding areas. No one was getting much pressure if they were on a hill or above the second floor. OK, so as in Uganda, if you are patient it will eventually work itself out.
Then on Tuesday, they announced on the radio that our village and surrounding ones would have no water anywhere from 3 days to 3 months. No problem. We've not had water anyway so what's the difference.
It's actually been pretty funny. I say funny because all of us around are in the same predicament. So, you see people at the well that would have died if they had known that they were going to be fetching water! You know big people like pastors! So, the well has become a social area. You go there to catch up on what is going on in everyone's lives. It's sort of like going to a hairdresser in the states! Also, when water miraculously appears in the middle of the night for 45 minutes or so and whoever has woke up for a toilet run finds it there and alerts the neighbors! Or when it rains and everyone runs outside with every available bucket, bowl, saucepan, etc. to get as much of this precious free water as they can!
I've really gotten used to it and don't much mind since I know that the water in the well is always there and it's also free. And Jackie is loving it because she can more easily convince me that she shouldn't take a bath when water is off!

Opiyo and Okello

2009-10-24T10:54:00.003+03:00

This is Opiyo (on top) and Okello. They are brothers who have had a life that has not been in any one way easy. I met these guys a couple of weeks ago and fell in love with them. They are two of the roughest kids that I have ever met but have the sweetest hearts at the same time. They have never been to school. The reason is their father has eight wives and over thirty children. He only earns about 40$ a month. This means it is impossible for him to support his children.
These boys have had to make their own way of survival. The whole village knows these boys. They sleep in an abandoned building. If it becomes "unabandoned" or if the authorities chase them out, they find another one. For a while, they were sleeping in the house next door to me while it was being built. When the family moved in, they had to look for another place. They spend the days looking for food. Sometimes they look for scrap to sell. Other times they look for people to wash clothes or cars for.
They both desperately want to go to school. They understand that without an education there isn't much in the future for them. This school year is almost over (just 3 weeks remaining for most boarding schools) and obviously they will need to be in a boarding school. I think they will do great in the same school where Tracy is.
Opiyo is a twin and would like for his brother to go to school with him. I've told them that I'll take all three of them to school next year.
They are excited about it and I'm again stretching my faith. None of them are yet sponsored............

Meet Tracy

2009-10-22T10:51:00.004+03:00

One day while I had my little kids outside on break, Tracy showed up at my gate. She was dirty, barefoot, and begging for food. I asked her if she was in school. Her answer was an elaborate story, obviously to me she was lying. I asked her to take me to where she sleeps. She agreed and took me to a nearby bar. This is where Tracy and her family sleep. Good enough, one of the village leaders was nearby and I was able to ask him to give me more details on Tracy's story. His response was if I could help the girl to please do so. I didn't immediately agree to take her back to school. I wanted to know her better but she definitely had a pull on my heart.
For weeks after that, I would find Tracy, still dirty, on the streets begging. Sometimes I would find her begging far from where she slept. She was usually with a rough group of boys. She was always excited to see me and would run and jump into my arms. I also spent time getting to know her family better.
Tracy's father died of AIDS a couple of years ago, leaving her mom alone with three children. Tracy's mom is unemployed and drinks a lot, frequently disturbing people around while in her drunken state. Different men come in and out of the house. This has left Tracy to find ways of feeding herself and her younger siblings. Frequently, Tracy would disappear from home for weeks at a time.
At times, I would find Tracy begging with her younger sister, Michell. I decided that this term I would take Tracy back to school. It would definitely need to be a boarding school. I knew that if I took Tracy to school and left Michell at home, I would be leaving Michell in a problem. Michell would be the one to have to look for food.
I decided to take both of the girls back to school. The younger brother was too young to go to school this year so a neighbor agreed to look out for him, making sure he was safe and had something to eat.
When taking the girls to school, I had no sponsor for either one of them. I did it completely on faith. I believed I wouldn't look long for a sponsor for them. Shortly, after the term began, Michell was being sponsored. Not long later, Tracy was being sponsored!
Both girls are doing well in school. I was a bit nervous about taking Tracy to school. Would she stay at school or escape from school to go to look for ways to find money? So far, she has remained at school. Teachers say that she is a bright girl and does well in class. she has just a few behavior issues.

Tracy’s younger brother, Brandon, will be old enough to begin school next year at my school.

Pray that this opportunity will continue to make a difference in the future of the lives of these children!

My Butt Is Growing Big!

2009-10-21T10:35:00.001+03:00

Since Jackie came home she has been steadily gaining weight and growing taller. When she came to live with me she was wearing clothes for an 18 month old baby. Now those clothes are too small for her although some of her favorites she still insists on squeezing into.
Yesterday was one of those days. She wanted to wear her jeans. Some things I don't see the point in arguing with her on and what she wears is one of them. I figure as long as she's taking her medicine without complaining, other things can be left alone. So, I allowed her to wear the jeans.
I had to go to one of the boarding schools to check on some of my kids. I rarely move anywhere without Jackie tagging along so we headed to the school, Jackie in her too tight jeans. Taxis are almost always overcrowded. They are supposed to carry only 14 passengers. I've been in one with 30 before. Yesterday, we were squeezed in with 20 other people.
Along the route, Jackie decided to let everyone in the taxi know that her jeans were too small for her. She's not in the least bit shy. That was embarrassing enough but then when they asked her why they were too small, Jackie proudly announced to everyone that her butt is growing big. Everyone laughed. I wanted to crawl under a seat. Too bad the taxi was so crowded. I had no where to go.
This proves that although Jackie has been really sick, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her mind. She understood all the comments people made about her size and how she looked. She is too excited that she is growing big!

No More Chemo!

2009-10-15T16:37:00.002+03:00

I can't tell you how much my heart is soaring in joy right now. I went to the hospital this morning full of dread. I think I was expecting the worst. The last couple of months have been so hard that I didn't think I could dare hope for good. I was praying for it but once again my faith was really weak.
Anyway, we've spent most of this week at the hospital with Jackie having various test done to see if the cancer had spread, disappeared, or if there was no change. Today was the day we were to meet the doctor. She seemed to be the one holding Jackie's fate in her hands. Would there be more of the dreaded chemo?
we waited for almost 4 hours before the dreaded meeting. First, this was a doctor we have never met with before. She is the SENIOR doctor there and knows more about cancer than probably any doctor in the country. She was amazingly nice. She was so friendly to Jackie and very good and explaining answers to all of my (probably really dumb) questions.
Good news! No more chemo for Jackie. The doctor liked the way things looked. She said while this cancer never really cures that the ARVs keep it suppressed and for the most part there is little risk of Jackie having problems with it again.
She encouraged me to keep doing what I'm doing and said she has seen a huge change in Jackie. I didn't even know she had even noticed us there before. She said she appreciated my diligence even when things weren't easy. Apparently, most people give up quickly.
Basically, everything looks good. Jackie has to have a couple more tests run, nothing major, just some precautions. They will be monitoring her over the next few months/years to watch her progress. This I am very thankful for.
One of the things that they are not too happy with is Jackie has a really bad cough. It started about a week ago when all of us at home had colds. I immediately took her to the doctor which she was immediately given medicine for it. However, due to her weak immune system things just take a long time for her to get over. I've not really worried about it as this is the norm for her. When she came home, she had pneumonia so I suspected it this time as well.
One of the tests that she had done this week was a chest x-ray. Well, it doesn't look like it should. The doctor today said she suspects pneumonia but also wants to test for TB to rule it out.
One thing that I have been warned about is that the first year on the ARVs is the hardest. All the hidden diseases/illnesses in the child's body start coming to light as the body becomes strong enough to begin to fight back. So, there is a possibility that it is TB, but I still think it is pneumonia. It doesn't hurt to check it out though.
The good thing is that all the testing can be done through PIDC (the AIDS clinic) for free as well as any treatment needed (all still free). And, if it does happen to be TB, the clinic will test and treat everyone living in the home, also for free.
While I'm not really looking forward to be treated for TB or always testing positive for it in the future, I do have consolation in knowing that it is treatable and would have been caught really early.
And the good thing is: I'm not worried about it. Even if she has TB, I believe the worst is behind us. NO MORE CHEMO!!!!!

A Pebble Up Her Nose

2009-10-13T11:36:00.003+03:00

In the past few months, there have been many times when I've asked myself am I a missionary or a nurse. I've been puked on, cleaned I don't know how many bloody knees, and yesterday removed (well, helped) a pebble from Doreen's nose.
We got moved into the new school building over the weekend. A little side note: I fwas really pleased that all of the parents to the children that will be in the building, some of the parents to my big kids and even some of the big kids themselves showed up to clean, paint and help move things in!
Yesterday was our first day in the new building. The kids were all really excited. They love having a big open space to run around and play. There isn't any playground equipment yet so they pretty much are left up to playing on their own. Usually this is ok.
But, I have one little girl, Doreen, who we have to watch closely. She likes putting anything in her mouth and eating it. This went a step beyond yesterday when she proceeded to stick a pebble up her nose. It didn't seem to be bothering her too much because she came to me and proudly showed me what she had done.
I was like, uh...... you have a pebble in your nose. Great, now what do we do? She then started digging in her nose pushing it further into her nose while we're all shouting for her to keep her finger out of her nose. This is when she started crying. I think she had pushed it a little too far and it was starting to hurt.
I didn't see anyway of get it out. Luckily after me telling her to blow her nose for about five minutes the pebble flew out. We will now be watching that Doreen to make sure that she not only doesn't eat things but that she doesn't stick them in her nose as well. We probably should also be watching out for her sticking things in her ears!

Can You Fix Your Hair Please?

2009-10-07T16:28:00.003+03:00

So, my 3 year old boys at school are a trip! I've got one that if he was about 30 years older would have already claimed me for his wife. But, since he's just a baby, he'll have to wait and find another one at a later date. I'm sure by that time he'll have forgotten all about Aunt Cari.

Bashir is always very free to speak his mind to me. This is the kid that if you look back a few months you can see the post about the clothes he gave me. The gifts have continued: a purse one day, a CD the next, air time on most days. Now, they are not always new. Of course, the CD was picked up off the side of the road some place along his walk to school and the air time is already used. But, it's the thought that counts!

When I first came back last year, I had almost no hair. It was like an inch long. Not it is just about touching my shoulders. If it wasn't so curly, it probably would touch my shoulders. Anyway, today I combed it and threw it in a ponytail. I was rushing to take Jackie to the doctor so I wasn't minding too much how it looked. I thought it was decent, not wonderful, but at least decent.

Upon walking out of my bedroom into the school room (which is still in my sitting room), Bashir promptly informed me that my hair was really big. Not smart (which in Ugandan English means I wasn't looking good). He then told me to go and cut it. When I asked him how short, he told me to cut it completely off!

Tempting. It's been so hot recently that I have thought about going back to a really short hair style. It would be much easier! But, then again, I get bored with short hair so I guess I'll be keeping it long for a while. I'll just try to make sure my ponytail is not so big, at least when Bashir is around!

Not a Mzungu Anymore

2009-10-04T15:52:00.003+03:00

I'm not a mzungu anymore! At least to people who know me. So, what is a mzungu? It's what foreigners in Uganda are called. A lot of people (most especially those that are here for a few weeks to visit) enjoy having this shouted at them. But, frankly, I hate it. It's annoying and feels quite racist to me. Maybe it's just me, but it seems rude to just go shouting at someone. If a Ugandan were in the states, and we shouted at them "Hey, Black!" I think he/she would be just as offended.But, over time I have grown accustomed to it. What else can I do? It's so widespread that you can't tell everyone to stop it. I've grown so used to it that I rarely even hear people shouting it anymore. I'm that good at tuning things out and entering my own little world in my mind!
Anyway, back to the point of the story. Jackie loves seeing a mzungu. It doesn't matter young or old, male or female. A couple of weeks ago we had a new "mzungu" arrive in the country. I let her go to the airport with me to pick him up. She quickly claimed him as her mzungu and no one can convince her otherwise.
One of my friends asked her about me, wasn't I her mzungu. Jackie's response: "Aunt Cari IS NOT a mzungu. She's brown like me." All the kids laughed. And I've noticed that none of my kids call me mzungu. They all run to me shouting, aunt Cari. But, they sure do get excited when the see a new "mzungu"!

Still A Long Way To Go

2009-09-30T14:09:00.003+03:00

I don't know how I convinced myself that treatment for Jackie's chemo was going to be so simple. Maybe that was my way of keeping my head together. I had somehow understood that she was going to be getting one injection every week for six weeks with maybe some vomiting or other small side effects. WRONG!
First, the first two weeks were I think pretty close to the hardest weeks of my life. I had a screaming (nonstop) child on my hands, no sleep, a disgusting house, and several other children home for the holidays (all with their own issues going on).
After the first couple of weeks it did get easier. At least she wasn't so sick, only week the day of and day after the treatment. Until this past week. Another high temperature, stuffy nose, sore throat. But, at least no screaming.
Then today we went for the 6th treatment, the whole time me thinking it was to be the last. This little bit of celebration was short lived as the doctor told me. "No. This is just the beginning. You see. The tumor is still slightly visible under her foot."
So, we get next week off (that is, except our visit to the AIDS clinic). The week after we get to again experience the joy of sitting in the hospital 12 hours each day waiting in lines so that every part of her body can be tested for any trace of cancer. Then on Oct. 15, we get to see the SENIOR doctor to hear the verdict. I'm told most likely a few more months of chemo. They will combine two different types of chemo. This time around we shouldn't be having to go every week, HOPEFULLY. It should be something like every three weeks.
I did hear that sometimes this type of cancer that they will leave it to be treated with ARVs alone. I'm hoping that this will be a safe, effective alternative for Jackie's case.
And to top all this off, I had to take Jackie to the dentist this past week because of her having pain in her teeth. When I got her, I already knew she had a mouth full of cavities, but being that so much else has been wrong, I've been trying to tackle one thing at a time.
Now, she needs to have several teeth removed which at this point is a huge risk. The doctors are advising against it since both the HIV and the chemo weaken the immune system. They said there is too much risk of infection. The dentist has agreed but said there is still risk as the cavities have entered deep into the roots of her mouth, meaning there is still risk of her having an infection in her bloodstream due to bad teeth. He said if it gets too bad, he and the doctors will have to weigh which way leaves her at most risk of infection and the teeth may have to be removed anyway.
All of this on top of now having no electricity for four days, a leaking toilet (yes, water was finally restored to my apartment after months without), and running out of gas to cook with. Hopefully, I'll get gas to cook with soon (that is, if it's available at this time in the country) and eventually electricity will come back on!
At least there are some bright spots in all this. The new school building is almost ready! The wall is almost finished and we should have the kids in class there next week!
Mary, the quiet angel at home, has greatly improved in school. All of her scores have more than tripled. Her school sends home monthly reports. Her first month in school, her math score was a 5. This month it was 64! Yes, I know that in the U.S. that is a D. But, here the grading scale is completely different so a 64 is good! I know by the end of the year it will be somewhere in the 80s. Math seems to be her best subject and hopefully science will pick up as well. It will be awesome to see her excel in those areas. There are still few women in those fields here in Uganda so if she can keep it up, who knows where she will go!

Wasted Potential

2009-09-27T15:19:00.002+03:00

Every day I walk through a slum. I'm so used to the place that many times I don't notice the sights or smells that I'm passing by. What I notice are my friends, the children that run to greet me, the old ladies that give me advice, and the unlimited potential.
But, the last few days, walking through has become a bit depressing again. I think death does that to a person. The last few days I've noticed how much of this unlimited potential gets wasted. How many of those teen girls got pregnant out of desperation to be loved? How many mothers live dangerous lives just to feed their children? How many of the men wouldn't abandon their families if they had a steady job? How many of this next generation are going to grow up and continue the cycle of poverty?
The few children I've put in school seems to be of no significance. At least to me at times. I have to constantly remind myself of the story of the boy throwing the starfish back into the ocean. There were so many that it probably didn't make any difference but for each individual starfish it made a difference. That is true for my kids. When I look at the whole slum, what I'm doing is making no impact. But, on each individual life, there is a change.
For most, they will be the first in their family to finish even the simplest level of school: primary school! They now have the chance to dream of even getting into university (some with scholarships) and making it out of the slum, making a difference in their families.
I am proud of each one of my kids. While they may not always make the best choices, they are fighting hard to rise above every obstacle that has been set in their way.