My Nakato

Have you ever had someone come into your life and then be taken away? It's not fair. It leaves a huge hole in your heart that you think will never be healed.
This is Nakato. She was a little girl that came into my life late in 2005. Her and her twin sister came to the feeding center where I was helping out at the time. They were orphans, their parents having died of AIDS. The twin, Babirye, we knew was also infected. She was always sickly. In contrast, Nakato was always healthy and full of life. The were living with their mom's sister, an aunt who was around 22 at the time. The aunt, as well as all of us at the center, assumed that Nakato was not infected. How could someone so full of life be sick?
In January of 2006, Nakato's sister died. It was a trying time for all of us. It came suddenly and it's always difficult to bury a child. It was especially hard for Nakato. How could it not be? They were twins after all. That bond is closer than the bond between sisters.
Nakato refused to return home. She came to my house and informed me that from now on she would be living with me. This came as a shock to me. I had no idea how to be a mom or even if her aunt would allow Nakato to stay with me. I was heading home to May to raise support. Where would she stay during that time?
It worked out well. Her aunt needed the help. Since taking on the responsibility of the twins, she had stopped going to school. They were living in a slum and she wasn't working. We agreed that it would be best if we allowed Nakato to go back and forth between us as she chose. That worked out well. Nakato would spend most of the time with me and every few weekends, she would decide to go and stay with her aunt. While I was home raising support, her aunt took care of her.
However, when I came back, I found Nakato sickly. We all became worried. What was wrong? She wasn't getting better. Finally, we decided to test her HIV status. Nakato tested positive and the doctor told us that her viral load was high. She had AIDS. Things didn't look good.
I was devastated. Her was this child who shortly after moving in with me had started calling me mama. I kept asking God why. Why was she going to have to die too? Why an innocent child? Why did He bring her into my life if He was only going to take her away? One of my friends at home gave me the best piece of advice anyone could have given me at the time. She told me to not start grieving while Nakato was still living. She said enjoy every minute with her and celebrate the life that she was living.
It was hard but that's what we did. We enjoyed every day. There was hardly a moment after that when Nakato was far from me. It seemed we did everything together. We walked together, ate together, laughed together. Even as Nakato grew weaker, she would refuse staying home with someone while I went out so I would carry her on my back when she was too weak to walk.
Through it all, Nakato never complained. She always had a smile on her face. She always made me laugh. She was a bright spot in my life, bringing joy to every day. Although I often cried for her, and still do, I never let her see me. I didn't want her to be worried or upset.
I have so many precious memories of her. I was there when she prayed to receive Christ, when she took her first bath in a bathtub, when she saw her first flushing toilet.
Then I have some memories that I wish I didn't have. The day the doctor told me it wouldn't be much longer. The night in early 2007 when she got sick and we had to go to the hospital. I knew then it would be our last trip. Spending those last few moments with her. Her last breath. Having her body brought home so people could come and pay her a last visit. I think that was the worst. There are no funeral homes so her body was brought back to my house. Then came the burial. It was just as bad.
The next few weeks and months I felt so lost. It was as if I had lost part of myself. I keep asking myself if it was worth it. And, yes, it was. I'm glad I got to have Nakato in my life, however short it was. She blessed me in many ways. You know you can learn a lot about yourself through a child. One thing that she gave me that I will be forever grateful for is knowing that one day I will make a good mother. Yes, I'll make mistakes. But, I won't continue the cycle that has been passed down from generation to generation in my family. I know now that no matter what comes, I will never walk away from my child.
I am a subscriber to an online magazine published by Women of the Harvest at womenoftheharvest.com. In the Sept./Oct. issue of the magazine, another missionary, M.C. serving in Guatemala, wrote Kingdom Perspective: Faithful in the Little Things. At the end she included a poem she had written that really touched my heart. I want to share it with you.

Just a Note

Father I was wondering
If you so kind would be,
To take a little letter
To someone dear to me.

She filled a great big corner
In the center of my heart
And the emptiness is painful
Now that we're apart.

Tell her how I miss her
Tell her that she's loved.
Tell her I am happy to
Have known my little dove.

I'm grateful for the kisses,
Grateful for her smile.
Grateful for the chance to be
Her mother for a while.

I miss the hugs she showered
Her delightful winning charms.
I miss the happy laugh she gave
Running to my arms.

Tell her that I'm happy
That she's now on Jesus' lap.
Tell her I will press on till
Time will close the gap.

One day there'll be heaven.
One day we will see
That all the pain and waiting
Was worth eternity.


* Nakato and Babirye are common names for twins. Babirye means the first of twins when she is a girl. Nakato means the second of twins when she is a girl. If the child is a boy, the name is Waswa for the first and Kato for the second.
** Also, for those that are keeping up with the children that are around me now, please don't confuse this set of twins with the current set.