In His Hands

I've often wondered how Abraham felt when God asked him to sacrifice his only son Isaac. I don't know that I would have been strong enough or faithful enough.
I now have almost 40 children in the sponsorship program. I love each one of them dearly and think of each one as my kid. I don't think I could willingly sacrificed any of them. I want to see them excel and go far beyond anything I could ever imagine for them.
All of them touch my life in one way or another. Each one challenges me in different ways and I'm constantly learning from each one. Recently, Jackie has been my biggest challenge.
Before she moved in, I kept telling myself no. I wasn't going through watching another child die. Really irrational considering that none of us know the number of days we have here on earth. It's possible that she could outlive me. God knew exactly which child to give me that would totally blow up everything in my world. As much as I was fighting to not bring her home, God kept her in my heart until I melted. I knew it was the right thing to do and have not regretted it since. She's put so much life in the house with her constant talking and laughing. She's been my constant shadow. And I mean CONSTANT. I don't even go to the toilet without her standing outside the door waiting for me to join another game of hide and seek or football. Yes, she likes football and even argues to watch it on TV.
I knew when she came that her health would be a constant battle. God has been faithful and has allowed her to quickly regain strength, gain weight, respond well to the ARVs, and her personality has come more and more to life. Most of the time I don't even remember that she is sick! It's only when the alarms go off to give meds that I even think about it.
Until today. We went for her check up to refill her meds. All was well. Except ever since I've had her she's had some swollen lymph nodes all over her body and a funny mark on her foot. We've been giving her medicine for it and nothing is working. Today they told me they think it is cancer. It seems there's a type of cancer that is commong to HIV+ children. She will have a tissue biopsy done tomorrow and we'll get the results back in a week or two. Just hearing the word cancer terrifies me.
I don't know if I am just fooling myself since she's seemed to be getting better. I keep telling myself I'm going to see her finish secondary school, go to university, and have a normal life.
I know many parents pray and give their children back to God, symbollically of Abraham giving Isaac back to God. I've done this for Jackie. But, do I really trust that He loves her more than I do?