It's a New Day

So, teen life is more than just a little complicated. I hated those years in my life and I'm not sure it's any more fun raising a child through it. We spent yesterday pretty much in a silent house. I have decided though that unless someone is dressing, doors should not be closed.
I had already made plans to go to lunch with a friend that is leaving the country today and wanted Esther to go to the school for lunch. She wanted to stay at home. I relented and allowed her to.
Now, I have few rules in the house. I don't want to have to live by many and I know most of these kids have never had to live by any so to keep things simple, I just try to keep them as few as possible. One of the rules is a particular TV station I do not want turned on. I can't figure out how to block or remove it so I've just told the girls it shouldn't be turned on. Like telling them that is really going to work....... I'm contemplating getting rid of the TV. I never watch it anyway.
So, back to the story. After lunch I picked Jackie up from the school and we went home. Immediately, she turned on the TV and what station was there..... Yeah, you guessed it. The one I don't want on and what was on my screen was a horrifying sight. Teacher Hadijah was with us and we both just told Jackie to turn the TV off. We explained to her that she is a child and should watch something else. Luckily, Dora the Explorer is one of her favorites so I just popped that in on my laptop.
I called Esther into the sitting room and asked her if she had been watching TV today. She told me no. Now no one else had been home since morning and we had it on the Christian station then. I asked her if she was sure she hadn't just put it on for a moment. Again, she said no. I asked if she was absolutely sure she hadn't been watching that particular channel and she denied it.
I then put on the TV and asked her why it was that the station was there on the television when the TV was turned on. It couldn't have been put there on its own.
She kept quiet and went to her room.
I knew we really needed to have another talk. All of this behavior is so unlike her. She's always been my good girl, one of the ones I know I can depend on. This has all been just too weird.
I began asking her some questions and she finally broke down and told me that she had started fearing that one day I wouldn't want them to live with me, that I would tell them they couldn't come back.
It hit me like a train. How many times growing up (and possibly still do) did I act in strange ways to push someone away out of that same fear? All I could do was assure her that I was committed to them and no one was going to tell them to leave, no matter how crazy they acted. We talked about some of the good times we've had together and how much I wanted those to continue. I shared that I want for them some of the things that I never had.
I told her that I still had to punish her, not because I was angry but because I love her. If I let it go, then she would think it was ok to do it again. She had lied in front of others and it would set a bad example for them. Of course, she was disappointed and cried for a while.
But, later that evening, I saw the young lady that I know come back to life. She came in my room with a letter that she had written. She had looked up Proverbs 12:1 and written it down for me along with a note asking me to forgive her and that she understood.
I told her that tomorrow was a new day, a chance to start over and do things differently. And so far today, she has been a joy to be with. We've chatted, laughed, cleaned, and goofed off just like past holidays.
Pray that all of us will survive the holidays (there will be 8 teenage girls in my house + Jackie + me) and that we can all survive these teen years. And just think, after this group, I've got another round to go with Jackie and whoever else God decides to plant in my home.