When Helping Hurts

I read the book When Helping Hurts a couple of years ago (can't remember the author) and would highly recommend you reading it if you are considering either long or short term missions.

Most missionaries don't go to a foreign country with the intention of hurting.  We want to help.  We want to bring relief.  We want to share.  We want to give. Want people to know and feel the love of Jesus.  Often times though, I think we go about it in a way that brings more hurt than help.  Many times it leaves the missionary feeling taken advantage of and those that we are helping aren't growing, but instead becoming dependent.  I know that has been the case for me.  I LOVE GIVING!  But, I have also felt taken advantage of.  It's made me bitter at times.

Sometimes giving out money or free things is just not the answer.  Yes, there is a time to give out things freely or to pay for something for a family.  Not wanting to build dependency is the reason why Vision of Destiny has focused on education.  We provide education but expect the parents/guardians to pay their rent, clothe their children, provide meals at home, however meager these things might be.  Yes, we step in sometimes on emergency issues like medical care, etc.  However, we stay away from things like paying rent or giving food.

The reason we don't pay rent or give food to families has been based on experience.  Sort of like that saying, "If you give a man a fish you've fed him for a day, but if you teach him how to fish, you've fed him for a lifetime."  From personal experience I've found that by paying rent for a family (or such things) that I've really not helped.  As soon as that month's rent is over, the family needs the next month's rent!  I've found the better thing for me to do is to help that family look for ways of paying their own rent.  That has looked different for different families.  For some it has been telling them where I know there might be a job available (meaning they would be earning regular income and could continue paying their own rent).  For others it has been helping them to build an already existing small business.

(We had a small micro-finance group running for a while that was beneficial to those involved in it.  I wish we could continue to run it but it needs another full time missionary here to run it.  David and I are just stretched to thin and can't maintain everything.  So, although that's another post all by itself, that is a prayer request- that God would send us people that could help run other projects!)

Back to the point of this post........  I've really just learned that by handing out money for every need, I'm not helping.  I was left feeling taken advantage of, which bring bitterness, which eventually hardens a person's heart.  It's not been easy to say no.  I feel bad.  I want to give it.  But, I have to look at the bigger picture.  Do I want my hands feeding this person for a lifetime or do I want them to use their own hands to feed themselves for a lifetime?  Of course, I'm meaning using their own hands while leaning on God for direction and provision.  

This has been a real issue at the school.  A lot of people feel that because their child is being sponsored that they should receive everything for free.  Sponsorship ($35/month) doesn't cover all of a child's needs.  It just can't.  Prices have risen here to a point where that sponsorship barely feeds the child breakfast and lunch at school for the month.  We've not been able to stretch it to cover supplies and other needs the school has.  God has been faithful and has each month provided other large one time donations that have helped us to keep things going.

This term though things look a little tight, tighter than normal.  Impossibly tight.  Stressfully tight.  So tight I question whether we are going to be able to make it to the end of the term.  It's going to be a huge test in my faith.

I love working with the parents and guardians who want to walk next to me and fight with me to see that things continue working out (and they've come up with some really creative ways to pitch in and help).  They are a joy to serve.  They share in carrying the burden.  That is probably 95% of the parents/guardians we work with.  They want to feed themselves for a lifetime.  They know that by their child having education there is a chance for a better future!

Now the question remains, how do we help without hurting the other 5%?  How do we teach them to fish for themselves?  How do we keep them from becoming dependent?  How do we teach them to fight for their own children?