Faith Is Not an Easy Walk

It's very tempting for me to expect life to go smoothly just because I'm a Christian. I forget that there are at times trials and persecutions. Last week was one of those weeks. I felt like I was getting my butt kicked. I felt like I was going to totally lose it. On more than one occasion, I felt like giving up and going home. I know that would not have been the godly reaction, but it sure was tempting.
Although the week was hard, God used it to help me see some things more clearly. Although all the delays are frustrating, He was able to show me that they are for the better and they may not be as long as I first thought they would be.
This week is much better but last week left a lot of things to be reflected on. Why do I struggle so much with trusting God? Why do I struggle to allow Him to be the cornerstone of my life? Why do I let Him in to some areas of my life and keep Him out of others?
When I begin to struggle with these questions, I start questioning if I am really worthy to be a missionary? Now I know that God deals with each of us as individuals and I shouldn't compare myself to others, but sometimes I can't help but look at other missionaries and the looking at myself. It seems they have themselves so together and I'm constantly trying to hold on to my sanity. I know this is not true because when we get together and talk about what is really going on, I realize that all of us are struggling in one area or another.
One missionary that I talked to last week in one of those moments that I wanted to take off and leave told me that she, as well, has those moments. Her advice was to make sure I keep bringing myself back to God's truth. He knows that even though I am a missionary, that I will have questions. He knows the condition of my heart. But, best of all He uses every circumstance to bring Himself glory and to bring what is best for me. Sometimes we need to struggle through an issue in order to see the truth more clearly.
And in the midst of all the frustration and tears of last week, God in His mercy gave me a ray of hope to keep me going. I've been praying for months for my work permit to go through and finally on Friday afternoon I got the call. It was approved and for the maximum number of years. So, they are going to back date it to the date of application but that still leaves me until mid 2011 before I have to apply again!